First Love

Chapter 22. Thoughts (Lawrence Ray POV)

22. Thoughts + Conclusions (Lawrence Ray POV)

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There's a feeling you get when you see "that" person and for me it's a nice pain for me, yes pain. You can't call it a caress but it's either butterflies fluttering or being tickled to much it's a good pain like working out. If you're like me it's a big strong and intense emotion that consumes your while body.

And, it happens every time I think of her, see her, hear her or even when she smiles.

It happens and it's a nice pain.

I woke up with that pain and I needed to cure that pain or tame it. I wanted to control my feelings, so I decided to hang with the guys. My day started off slow; swimming, eating, washing and then calling the guys up and catching up with them.

"Let's just play today. Seems you've got a lot on your mind," Joseph says and I shrug.

"Yeah okay," I grab the guitar and mic, sitting on a stool as Jose takes the piano, while Tyler takes the drums.

Can you lie next to her

And give her your heart, your heart

As well as your body

Is it wrong... to know exactly what you want, who you want in your life, but you still battle on if what you want is really what you need and if it needs you? I know I want her in my life and I need her to want to be in it in every shape, way and form. But I battle with knowing if she really needs me in her life in the way I want to be in hers. Are we just best-friends? I want to be what she wants, what she needs.

And can you lie next to her

And confess your love, your love

As well as your folly

Drew couldn't say he was in love with her, unless he believes in love at first sight. I doubt that's what happened with them though, not saying it couldn't happen. But she's knows I love her but in a you're my best friend way. She knows I'm in love with her, subconsciously she knows. We all know, I knew before I really understood it or how it came about. I'm in love with her and I can admit my folly. Drew couldn't, could he?

And can you kneel before the king

And say I'm clean, I'm clean

I know I've hurt before and I'll never try to deny it. I'm guilty and I am honest. I've never cheated, but I've dated a few, had a fling or two. I've never condone friends with benefits, obviously. That's a complication that remains unwanted by me. I wanted to know Drew's intentions. Can he admit his faults and wronging? Have he ever cheated? Will he treat her the way she deserves to be treated? Could he love her?

But tell me now, where was my fault

In loving you with my whole heart

Oh, tell me now, where was my fault

In loving you with my whole heart

It's always that point in a relationship or crush where it hits you. Why can't you simply stop the emotions you have for that person because it no longer fun, exciting or a nice pain... it just hurts. When it starts to hurt it begins to feel like a punishment and you wonder why did you allow it to happen. It's not your fault, you gave it everything, you gave it your all and that's not your fault. I believe if you're going to do something, you need to give your whole entirety... without losing yourself. If you don't do that, if you can't admit that to yourself, then it's your fault.