everything, everthing

butterflies

❁

the internet is a reliable source in my opinion. it's got all of your facts from google and all of your music. that's all i ever need.

www.wikipedia.com
"hysterical abdominal rhopalocera
the condition of having one or more monarch butterflies take up residence in the stomach.

who us affected by har?
the disease affects at least one teenaged American girl every 30 seconds.

symptoms
nausea, elevated heart rate, inability to focus, stomach "flipping" , light- headedness

causes
har is usually caused by contact with a romantic interest. har sufferers describe feeling symptoms not only during contact but after as well. patients with the most acute form of the disease can trigger an episode by simply thinking about that interest. [read more]

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before shawn gets here i try to convince myself that i'm sick. that's the only possibility. it takes exactly fifteen minutes to convince myself. it takes her exactly seven minutes to un-convince me. we go through taking my blood pressure, heart and pulse rate and temperature before he gives me of "lovesick".

"are you sure? i can't be in love," i cringe slightly. i never really thought of myself being in love and meeting someone. i thought of it always as me mom and shawn forever.

"classic symptoms," he replies as he clears away all the equipment. "and why not?" he raises an eyebrow.

"because it's pointless for me. it's like a blind artist, or a food critic with no taste buds. its like- "

"like skinny dipping by yourself,"

i cant help but laugh. "exactly, pointless."

shawn shakes his head. "not pointless, just because you can't experience everything doesn't mean you shouldn't experience anything. besides, love is what life is about,"

"i'm not in love," i pout like a child. my arms are crossed over my chest as i sigh.

"and i'm not married," he retorts. "there's nothing to worry about."

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for the rest of the day im extra careful with myself. i'm too distracted to do any homework or call riley and lucas over. even though shawn reassured me, i can't help but be paranoid. are my fingertips tingling? how many cartwheels can my stomach do? how come i can't catch my breath? i beg shawn to do another vital check, and the rests, they're normal.

by the time the afternoon has rolled on, and i've come to the conclusion that shawn might be onto something. i might not be in love but i'm in serious like. i keep seeing farkle around whenever i am. i see him in the kitchen making a bundt. i see him on my white sheets playing around with the stars on the ceiling. i see him in the living room watching friends with me.

and not only is it farkle that i see. i can see myself drifting into space and looking down at the earth. where i can see the beginning and end of time. where i can see infinity.

for the first time in a long time, i want something more than i have.

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