everything, everthing

pretend

❁

i'm in a field of sunflowers with farkle, chatting and singing some tunes to him. his head rests on my lap as my hand plays with his brunette locks of hair. i can breathe in the fresh air and see the pollen flying around. but then i awake. it's just a dream. it always will only be, just a dream.

-

i've been trying to keep busy from farkle. i close all the blinds in my room and just listen to some music. a different genre for a different day, to express how i'm feeling. i delete the messages from farkle without even reading them, too scared of what the messages could contain.

soon enough i'm able to resume my classes with mr. matthews and start again with my normal life before farkle came into it. it feels so strange to have life without farkle, without the love of my life. but i've done it before so surely i can do it again.

mom has been hovering over me, scared that i'll break at some point and like i'm a fragile glass piece of art.

she felt so bad so she invited riley and lucas over to hang out and sleep over. the minute the three of us were alone in my room, i just broke. i thought of it all. paris, my time with farkle and all of the dreams we were suppose to spend together. my tears seemed to be a never ending pool of sadness as i wrapped my arms around my two best friends. why did this always happen to me. why couldn't i just magically not be sick and run over to farkle and tell him how much i love him.

"don't worry love, everything will get better," riley cooed. she tried to cheer me up, but even i felt discouraged. how could anything go right at a time like this. i wiped my tears and peeked out the bay window as my eyes widened. my vision had to adjust to the dark environment outside as lucas and riley joined me by the bay window.

"is he leaving?" lucas breathed. the scene below us was frightening to me. farkle, isa and their mother seemed to be cautiously packing the car and silently crying.

"it's because of his dad, isn't it," i said to myself. farkle had told me before that he wanted to leave his father. he wanted to move out to new york or somewhere far where his dad couldn't reach him. somewhere so that he couldn't hurt them any longer.

we watched as the three family members left the house they called home and drove away into the night.

i'll never see farkle again.

ever.

❁