From The Pen To The Soul

Big sister (con.)

Hey big sister,
With crazy colored hair,
The nightmares get worse
Big sister,
And I get even more scared.
You know,
Big sister,
I have excuses
To not wake you up,
Even if i need it when i’m with you
Big sister
I don’t want to bother you much.
What if the door is closed,
Big sister?
Knock or just go right in?
And if you’re sleeping,
Big sister,
Should I wake you up?

It causes you less sleep
Big sister,
Are you okay with that?
If you’re not,
Big sister,
I know how to handle that.
I hate that,
Big sister,
The fact that this is something i’m used to.
When I wake up frightened,
Big sister
With no one to go to.
I have God,
Big sister,
But it still kinda hurts.
What happens to love,
Big sister,
Can I have that from them,
Even if it’s just a joke?
Just for a night,
Big sister,
Even if it’s all pretend.
I guess,
Big sister,
The reason my head is making excuses
For waking you up is just this.
The fact that i’m scared of it,
Big sister,
Scared of the love
I could receive.
When usually,
The love from my family
Says one thing in front of people
Then another in the dark.
And I’m scared,
Big sister,
That if you get woken up in the night,
It’ll change for you,
Big sister,
So maybe it’s better for me
Big sister
To be alone when I cry.
Or possibly,
Big sister,
Part of it’s because i’m scared of love.
The fact that from you
It’s different
Then the other kind I’ve known.
And,
Big sister
Waking you up is crossing a line
That’s possibly untold.
To me,
Even the thought is strange.
Knowing that if it’s possible
For you to be there,
You will,
Even if it’s just being woke up
For a nightmare.
Do you realize,
Big sister,
They steadily get worse?
Sometimes,
Big sister,
At night i’m really scared to be alone.
That i just want love,
Big sister,
Or comfort
And care,
But when i wake up screaming,
Big sister,
Only yelling
Is there.
If that,
Big sister,
Otherwise,
They’re passed out drunk.
Or even smoking
Big sister,
And i’m left in the dark.
It’s scary
Big sister,
These nightmares,
But also what happens after I wake.
So waking you up
Big sister
Is something i don’t know how
Either you,
Nor I would take.
Because what I know here,
Is so different than when i’m with you,
Would you be mad big sister,
If I ever woke you?
I got called pretty,
Yesterday big sister,
From a friend at the church.
She thought i was joking,
When i was shocked.
I wasn’t,
Big sister,
To me it was genuenally strange,
Just like you texting
Saying Adelia and I were cute,
Big sister,
All of that is weird to me.
Just the small thing
Of being called cute,
Instead of a bad name,
To me,
Waking you up would be
Just as strange.
So what do i do here,
Big sister,
When i’m able to wake you
Because i’m with you.
Do I let you stay sleeping,
Or allow myself,
Big sister,
To have a big sister,
To comfort me from a bad dream.
You say it’s sad,
Big sister,
That i don’t have that here,
But honestly,
Big sister,
I don’t really know any better.
That’s why
Just the thought of waking you up,
Is to challenging me,
Even if,
Big sister,
It’s just to have comfort
From a bad dream.
Are you okay with that
Big sister?
To have a hesitant
Little sis?
A little sister,
Who’s scared to wake you at night
When i’m able?
Because no matter how scared i am
To do it
Big sister,
I can tell you
I’ll need it.
And well,
Big sister,
It’ll just be comfort
To have my big sis,
A unusual thing,
Big sister,
But something
If possible,
When i’m with you
I’d like to take advantage of.
When nightmares come,
Big sister,
I think i’d rather have you near.
So tell me,
Big sister,
With crazy colored hair,
If the door is shut,
Big sister,
Do you want me to knock?
Or just go in?