Is time sufficient enough
To say,
What needs
To be said?
Words are the most important thing
Do you see everything
I want you to?
Not necessarily
The ones I say
But the ones I don't.
The ones I refuse to say,
But do,
With every flinch,
Or arm gripping my other arm,
Pulling my arms in,
And even moving the slightest bit
Closer
When someone gets near.
So you see those things?
When I'm uncomfortable,
And when I just want love?
You see,
When I'm not being dramatic,
I don't know how to ask for it-
To be shown love.
I can't just ask
For a hug,
Or wish you'd put an arm
Around me,
Or usher me closer
When you don't know I need it.
Or even when
When you know I'm not fine
But am trying to hide it.
Prayer groups even.
The small movements.
Eye contact.
Do you see?
Can you see?
The comfort I crave,
From a thought
Or a word said.
Something that didn't mean to set me off,
But triggered something
In my head.
As fear grips me,
What do I do?
Could you even help me then?
Would you even want to?
As my fingers press hard
Against my skin
On my arm
Fighting the nails,
But wanting the pain.
Anything,
To get away.
From the words
Or thoughts
That surround me.
Even at church.
When I'm supposed to be safe.
Every glance,
Can you see?
I crave comfort,
To be shown love.
But honestly,
It's kinda a stranger to me.
Those moments scare me
When I want to go to you
For a hug,
And you won't even know why.
It could be when I look across
To where
You're sitting
Opposite,
On the other arm of the couch.
Or even,
During worship,
And something strikes
And the thoughts,
May be getting too much.
Or maybe because I want comfort
Of all the things left unsaid.
And maybe because
I just want to know
My Technical Aunt
Is still there.
Sometimes the nightmares
Scare me more than you know,
And they still linger,
As I see you at church,
But I still pick up the bow.
Sometimes the yelling and words,
They get to be so much,
And I want my Technical Aunt,
A simple hug
And more.
YOU ARE READING
From The Pen To The Soul
PoetrySometimes, writing isn't an option; it's a necessity. This is my story. Everything I write, is a part of me. But it's up to you, to find your story; connect to yourself through my writing. (Most of these are sent to my big sister)
