I hate myself for loving you (zarry)

Chapter 12

"The movie is so dumb. It's so full of bullshit. Why would best friends fall in love with each other after being friends for so many years? If they had felt a spark or had feelings for each other, they wouldn't be best friends in the first place!" Zayn snorts, "It is the shittiest movie I have ever watched. Don't you agree, Haz?"


They're watching a romantic movie that Harry has been dying to watch for days.


Zayn doesn't know why he said all that, it's a great movie. He feels that it is somehow similar to him and Harry. He doesn't want to admit that he has feelings for his best friend, so instead he said those disdainful words just to convince himself.


Harry doesn't take his words well, he feels hurt. Yet he doesn't show it, just nods his head, pretending to agree with everything Zayn said. He gives Zayn a smile so innocent that even the smartest person could not have figured out that there was something not right behind the smile. "Yes I agree." He tries his best not to make his voice waver and he succeeds.


But Zayn can't help but feel disappointed when Harry agree with him.


Should he be disappointed? Why?


The room is suddenly silent except for the sound coming from the movie, neither of them are talking.


"I-I want ice-cream, do you want some?" Harry breaks the silence between them, wanting to leave the room and calm his broken heart. He knows damn well that there's not a slightest chance that Zayn will ever love him. He knew it right from the start, but that doesn't stop him from dreaming, or having a tiniest bit of hope in his little heart that maybe, just maybe one day Zayn will love him back. But now, his dream is shattered. He doesn't know how much longer he can hold on. Will he ever give up his hopes and dreams? Maybe he should. He doesn't know anymore. He needs some time alone, he needs to heal his wounds.


"Yes, sure." Zayn replies, eyes still on the movie but mind somewhere else.


Harry goes to the kitchen. Since he is already here, he thinks, he might make some tea as well. He puts the kettle on the stove and opens the refrigerator to take the box of ice-cream out.


He is sitting at the dining table, eating his ice cream as he stares at the kettle thinking nothing, just eating his sorrow away.


"Harry, where's my ice-cream?" Zayn says from the living room, pulling Harry out of his trance.


"Here, I'm coming!" Harry brings their ice-cream to the living room.


He sits beside Zayn and gives him his ice-cream.


Zayn laughs when Harry hands it to him, "You got some ice-cream on your face, Haz." He leans over and wipes it away from Harry's face. He doesn't realize how close they are until he notices Harry's breathing hitch. His eyes travel from Harry's beautiful green eyes to his plump red lips. Just a little bit closer, and he could taste those lush lips again. He stares at those tempting lips. Just a little bit closer...


The kettle whistles, making the two boys jump apart.


Harry rises from the couch and starts walking towards the kitchen to turn the stove off.


"Actually, um, I have got something to do. I need to go." Zayn scratches his head and stands up, making Harry stop and look at him.


Not waiting for Harry's reply, he grabs his jacket from the couch and leaves the room in haste.

-

He rapidly knocks on Louis's door. Seconds later, Louis opens the door to find a distracted looking Zayn standing in front of him. Louis cocks his brow at him. Zayn sighs, "I need to get high, you in?"


Nothing better than to have some drug down his system to make him forget about the confused feelings that he has for Harry. He is confused and struggling from these new found feelings he has for his best friend. He doesn't know how to handle it. Could he just simply tell Harry that he has feelings for him? Of fucking course not. Harry sees him as a best friend. What if Harry feels weird after his confession and never talks to him again? Or worse, what if Harry won't let him see his own child? No, Zayn won't let that happen.


"Course bud, I happen to have some new weed." Louis winks and lets Zayn in.


Zayn sits on the couch while Louis goes to get the drugs and some beer.


Louis hands Zayn a can of beer and sits beside him. He lights up the joint and passes it to Zayn. Zayn grabs it and takes a drag.


"What's up, bro? You know you can tell me anything right?" A while later, Louis says, blowing out a smoke and looking at Zayn.


Zayn shrugs, taking another drag.


"Come on, Zayn! I know something is bothering you." He presses.


Zayn sighs, looking at the beer can on his hand. Bringing it to his lips, he takes a big gulp. "It's just...what will you do if you realize that you have feelings for your best friend? The kind of feelings that one best friends shouldn't have for the other?"


"You have feelings for your best friend? I don't recall you having any best friends who are girls." Louis frowns and tilts his head.


"It's not a girl, it's a boy." Zayn murmurs.


"What? Don't tell me you have feelings for me. I'm straight, Zayn!"Louis gasps dramatically.


Seriously Louis should be an actor or a comedian. Zayn rolls his eyes and throws a beer can at Louis. "Of course not you, you idiot. For god's sake, you're not even my type, no thanks!"


"It's Harry, isn't it?" Louis grins, catching the can that Zayn threw at him and takes a sip.


Zayn doesn't say anything, taking a deep drag of the joint.


Louis smirks, "Just tell him. I believe that he has the same feelings for you."


"How do you know?" Zayn cocks his brow at Louis.


"I just know."


Zayn rolls his eyes, "You don't know shit, Louis."


"I'm serious Zayn, just go and tell him about your feelings." Louis takes a drag, feeling dizzy from the high.


"You don't know anything Louis, it's complicated. And, now he is having my child." Zayn runs his hand through his hair. He doesn't know what to do if Harry doesn't like him back? What will happen to their friendship and their daughter? They have been best friends for fucking years!


"Yes, I do. What I don't know is why it is so difficult for you to just tell him about your feelings?" Louis sassily snorts. Yes, he knows everything, okay? He knows that Harry has loved Zayn for years, and that he doesn't have the guts to tell Zayn about his feelings because he thinks that Zayn is straight and will never love him back. Louis can swear that he could never find someone who are more stupid than this so called two best friends. They even have a baby on the way for god's sake!


"You don't fucking know. I just...It just difficult!" Feeling annoyed, Zayn gets up, stumbling towards the front door.


"Where the fuck are you going?" Louis yells.


"Just going back to my damn house to check on my Harry." Zayn opens the door and leaves without another word.


"Oh right, Harry!" Louis slurs and takes his phone out.

-

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