I hate myself for loving you (zarry)

Chapter 14

Yes, he is in love with Harry.


Zayn has been on edge ever since the day he realized it. He wants to tell Harry about his feelings, he wants to tell Harry that he loves him. But every time he is about to confess his feelings, he has a lump in his throat. He just can't go and straight up tell Harry everything. What if Harry freaks out? Even Zayn himself is freaking ever since he found out that he has feelings for Harry. What if Harry gets overwhelmed by this news? It's not good for both Harry and the baby. What if it makes things awkward between them? What if Harry doesn't want to talk to Zayn anymore? What if...there's too many what ifs. And, Zayn is not ready for any of it.


Sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the TV, Zayn is wondering all the possible scenarios that could happen if he confesses to Harry.


A sound of shattering glass breaks Zayn's thoughts.


"Zayn!" Harry screams from the kitchen, making Zayn jump to his feet and rush towards the kitchen within a second.


"Babe, are you okay? What happened? Is our baby okay?" Zayn asks frantically with a worried face as he gently grabs Harry's arms, his gaze shifting from Harry's face to his belly and finally resting on Harry's eyes. He gets confused when he sees the excitement on Harry's face.


"I-the baby...she, she's..." Harry swallows the lump in his throat, grabbing Zayn's hand and putting it on his stomach.


And, Zayn feels it.


A small push on his hand.


The baby is kicking.


"The baby is kicking." Zayn whispers and then he looks at Harry with wide eyes. His eyes shift back and forth from Harry's eyes to his tummy. "Oh my Gosh! Harry, our baby is kicking!!!" Zayn gasps with excitement.

Harry nods repeatedly with a big grin, showing his cute dimples.


Zayn smiles wildly and he feels like he's over the moon. He subconsciously grabs Harry's face and gives him a kiss on the lips. Only when he pulls away does he realize what he just did. He just kissed his best friend; the man who is carrying his child; the man, he just found out, he's in love with!


Fuck, what have I just done?


"Harry...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." Zayn gulps, he feels uneasy as he tries to make things less awkward between them.


"I know, Zayn. It's okay. It doesn't mean anything." Harry gives him a tight lipped smile.


'No, it means everything.' Zayn wants to say.


That's it, he needs to confess to Harry. He can't hold back anymore. He can do this. He needs to tell Harry. He is ready.


'You can do it Zayn.' His heart is beating faster than usual.


Here goes nothing.


"No, Harry I need to tell you something. I-"


*phone rings*


Zayn inwardly groans. Who the fuck is calling now? Don't they know it's one of the most important moments in his life?


"Hi, Niall!" Harry says.


Really, Niall? Perfect timing! Damnit!! Zayn gives Harry a tight lipped smile and nods his head when Harry puts a finger on his lips signaling him to be quiet. But in his mind, he is beating Niall up for the 100th time and he has decided to remove Niall as his favorite Irish Leprechaun from the list of his favorites, at least for ten minutes!


"Party?" Harry squeals. He hasn't been to a party since forever. "Yes, we'll come! See you tonight." He hangs up the phone with a smile lingering on his face.


"Party?" Zayn cocks his brow and gives Harry a stern look, "You can't go to a place full of alcohol! You're pregnant."


"Come on Zee, you know me. I will not drink." Harry whines. "And, I haven't been to a party since" Seeing Zayn wouldn't budge on his decision, he pokes Zayn's chest with each words, "you knocked me up."


But Zayn just looks at him blankly.


"Please Zee, I'll be good. I'll be a good boy for you." Harry pleads and gives Zayn puppy eyes.


Why does Harry's words sound so.... Zayn feels all his blood rushing into his dick.


"Fine." His voice is a bit husky, so he clears his throat. "But no alcohol and no staying up all night. When I say we need to go home, we go home."


Harry nods eagerly with a smile on his face, and throws himself at Zayn, wrapping his arms around Zayn's neck. "You're the best!" Harry says into Zayn's chest.


Zayn chuckles, putting his hands around Harry's waist, hugging him.

-

They get out of the car and walk to Niall's apartment. Yes, the party is at Niall's apartment, the party freak!


Harry literally skips with joy and opens the door. The song "sex with me" by Rihanna is blasting out in the whole apartment. "Finally!" He exclaims and quickly spots Niall and other lads on the sofa beside the dance floor. He smiles wildly and walks towards them. Zayn sighs and follows behind, walking very close to him to keep away the drunk fools who might accidentally bump into Harry.


"Hi, everyone!" Harry yells through the loud music and plops down beside Liam who is flirting with a beautiful girl named Cheryl. Zayn sits down too, taking a beer can from the table and drinking it.


Their friends greet them back, and then Harry and Cheryl quickly engage in a conversation because she is really interested in the pregnancy thing.


"Harry!" A person shouts out Harry's name as the music gets louder.


Why the fuck is he here? Zayn curses under his breath seeing Luke standing in front of them.


"Hi, Luke! You're here too!" Harry grins.


"Yes, Niall invited me." Luke smiles and fist bumps Niall.


"Oh, so you're buddies now?" Zayn mocks Niall. Harry and Luke didn't hear Zayn's words though, since they are engaged in their own conversation.


Niall shrugs and drinks his beer. "Yes. I mean, he is cool and his performance was amazing."


"You went to his show?" Zayn frowns.


"Yes. Harry, Louis, Liam and me. Why didn't you come with us? Don't think that I bought your lame excuse 'Oh I have football practice'. We all know that it was a lie except for Harry." Niall asks, cocking his brow at Zayn.


"I just don't like that guy." Zayn rolls his eyes. "Look at him, he's flirting with Harry non-stop since he got here! What the actual fuck is
that?"


"Are you..." Niall hesitates to look at Zayn. "Are you jealous?"


"No. What the fuck Niall?"  Zayn glares at Niall. He never was a jealous type of person, though his mind is telling him otherwise.


Niall raises his hand in surrender.


"Hey guys, my best friend Ashton is here too." Luke says as he waves his hand to signal Ashton to come there. Ashton had gone straight to the kitchen to have some cocktail right after they arrived.


"Hi guys!" Ashton greets them and sits beside Zayn. They greet back and ask him how is he doing and questions like that. After this, everyone gets back to what they were doing before—Harry engaging in conversation with Luke, Liam trying to get Cheryl's attention, Louis busy on his phone texting god knows who. Niall goes to the kitchen saying he needs stronger alcohol for his Irish spirit.


"Hi! You must be Zayn right, the baby's father?" Ashton smiles at Zayn.


Zayn raises his brow, "How do you know?"


"Harry told us last Friday." Ashton sips his cocktail. "Besides, you make fond eyes whenever Harry puts his hands on his stomach. Is it safe to bring a pregnant person to a party?"


"Nope." Zayn shakes his head and chuckles, taking a gulp of his beer. "He's a queen tho, he gets what he wants. My job here is to protect him from getting hurt."


"Well, you must set up your game then." Ashton gestures to Harry and Luke walking towards the dance floor.


Zayn curses and glares at Luke's hands on Harry's waist. "Then tell your man to stay away from my boy!"


"Is it that obvious?" Ashton raises his brow.

Zayn smirks, "Yes, your face turns sad every time your eyes shift to Luke and Harry. Best friends to lovers, huh?"


"So does yours." Ashton bluntly retorts.


"Fuck." Zayn curses loudly when he sees Luke leaning close putting his head on Harry's shoulder and Harry grinding his ass against Luke's crotch.


He gets up from the sofa and marches to them within a second. He grabs Harry's arm and pulls him away from Luke, startling both Harry and Luke.


"Zee, what are you doing?" Harry frowns, confused.


"We're leaving now." Zayn says blankly.


"But I-"


"What did I say before we came here?" Zayn looks at Harry sternly.


"When you say we need to go home, we go home." Harry murmurs with a sad little pout on his lips.


Zayn raises his brow waiting for Harry's reply. Harry huffs, "Fine." And then he turns to Luke and gives him a smile, "Luke I have to go home now, I had a good time tonight. See you."


"I had a good time too. See you soon, Haz."


Haz? Why the fuck does he think that he has the right to call Harry by his nickname?


Zayn rolls his eyes and drags Harry with him to the door, careful that no one bumps into Harry on the way.


"Shouldn't we say goodbye to the lads?" Harry asks as he follows behind Zayn.

"No, they are probably drunk their ass off." Zayn says matter-of-factly.


Harry giggles, Zayn's right, they're probably drunk already. Those party animals!

-

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