Smile - Joker Leto Fanfiction - {BWWM} - {COMPLETE}

F O U R

~Professional~
~ day 7 ~
C H E Y E N N E

I bolt up, my heart beating fast in my chest. I blink rapidly, quickly glancing around the room. My body relaxes as I realize I'm not covered in mud and surrounded by heavy duty machines. Taking a deep, relieved breath, I pull off my sweat-soaked t-shirt so I could get in the shower and get ready to go to the club.

I drag myself out of bed, feeling the weight of guilt press down on my shoulders. This always happened every few months or so, for weeks at a time and this time, it was brought on by Selina's reminder the other day of why I was adopted in the first place. To escape my past. I could never escape what I had done all those years ago. No amount of therapy or alcohol could ever get rid of the nightmares. No matter how hard I tried, there was nothing I could do to get rid of them.

They'd never given me a chance to forgive myself, not that I even really deserved it, but being able to forgive myself would lead me to my freedom. That was never happening though and I had come to terms with that years ago.

I stare at the shower tile, letting the hot water run through my hair and wash over my shoulders and wake me up. I was trying hard to rid myself of thoughts of my nightmares, but I was too disoriented.

While these nightmares were temporarily ignorable, they always happened to come at the worst of times, for example right now. When I had to focus on Joker and staying out of Belle Reve. I shake my head, running my hands through my hair, finally managing to expel the nightmares to the back of my mind. For now.

~30 minutes later~

I push open the club doors, finding the club empty except for Cassidy and Jessica and few other dancers and employees. I was here super early, but I would rather be here, around other people than alone in my apartment with my thoughts. The club was the only place where I could take my mind off of my personal issues. I watch them as they stand, staring at me almost suspiciously and defensively.

Yawning, I walk toward the dressing room, giving them a hesitant wave as they walk toward the guards outside of Joker's private lounge. I stop in my tracks, turning around to watch them walk away from me. I was good at telling when something was off with someone and based on their invasive behavior in the last few days, there was definitely something off about them.

I shake my head, turning back around and walking back into the dressing room. Before I knew it, I was dressed and had nothing to do. I pull on a purple satin robe, complimentary of the club, and plop down into a chair, closing my eyes momentarily so I could maybe take a power nap, and of course, it doesn't work. Instead, I felt my heart speed in my chest as scenes of my past flash before my eyes with each passing second that I had my eyes closed.

Just as my eyes snap open, Jessica and Cassidy walk into the dressing room, giving me a strange look. I sit up and lick my lips, staring at them through the mirror in front of me, not breaking eye contact. I immediately knew there was an issue by the way that they were looking at me.

"What's your problems?" I ask, not even turning around to look at them. Our little staring contest goes on for almost another minute until they both glance at each other.

"What's yours?" Cassidy asks, coming off as though she was trying a little too hard. I do my best to stifle a chuckle as I finally turn to look at them both.

"What's your deal?" Jessica pipes up, revising Cassidy's question. I furrow my eyebrows, no longer able to keep my laughter to myself.

"My deal..?" I ask, crossing my arms and watching them as they look me up and down.