Into the Ether - Complete

The Winter of Our Discontent: Part 10

I'd made it through to the weekend. As promised I'd worked out with Celeste on Wednesday afternoon, and by Friday our twice-daily workouts were a regular part of my new post-Dimitri schedule. It still felt like half of me was missing, but I was grateful to Celeste for stepping in and helping to fill my hours. I honestly didn't know how I would have made it through without her support. We didn't talk about Dimitri much, but she didn't avoid talking about him either. And it was nice to spend time with someone who knew he was more to me than just a mentor, even if we hadn't discussed just how much more he was to me.

It wasn't until Friday lunchtime that the first question about Dimitri's whereabouts had come.

"Hey, you've been working out with Matthews?" Eddie commented. "She's hot..."

"I'll tell her you think so, Castile. Maybe she has a thing for schoolboys," I said dryly, bracing myself for what I knew was about to come.

"So where's Belikov? I haven't seen him since you two went on your mock qualifier."

"He's on leave. Gone to visit his family in Russia," I said, shoving my mouth full of the fettuccini carbonara that was the best offering on Friday's lunch menu.

"That's not fair. First, you get mentored by the Russian God, and now you're working out with Matthews..." Eddie whined.

"What can I say? Some girls have all the luck," I mumbled morosely, Eddie not picking up on my tone.

I couldn't believe it had taken everyone else the better part of a week to notice that Dimitri wasn't around. I mean – the guy was a mountain; he wasn't exactly easy to miss. Although really I suppose it just showed how hyper-aware I'd always been when it came to his presence.

"His family are in St. Petersburg aren't they?" Lissa asked idly.

"No, they're outside of Omsk in a little town called Baia," I replied, trying to keep my tone impassive.

"Oh? That's near St. Petersburg, though, isn't it?"

"If you call two-thousand miles near," I said acerbically. I shouldn't take my frustrations out on Lissa. I'd known no better before I'd fallen in love with a man from Russia.

"Will he be there for Christmas?" she asked. "It would be nice for him to spend the holidays with his family."

"I'm not sure," I said quietly. "They don't celebrate Christmas in Russia until January anyway."

"Ahh yes – they use the Julian calendar..." Christian had started to explain to Lissa, trying to impress her, while I tuned out. Talking about Dimitri made me think about him, and I'd been trying my hardest to avoid that.

And now it was Saturday morning, and I was sitting in my room pondering what to do with myself. Lissa had plans with Christian, and Celeste had taken on an extra shift, so we weren't training together today. Her family was coming for a short visit between Christmas and New Years, so she was trying to work extra shifts before then so she could take time off to spend with them.

Looking around my room, there was plenty I could occupy myself with. I had some homework I should do, and I hadn't tackled any of the washing from Missoula, yet. Mine or Dimitri's. But just thinking about him brought it on again; the overwhelming feeling of emptiness. It wasn't so bad when I was busy – I could almost push the fear and loss away. But it was times like these, times when I was alone, that I felt it most.

Nights were honestly the worst. For as long as I could remember I'd slept alone. Even as a young child I couldn't recall ever falling asleep with another, the Academy, of course, being very proper about things like that. So I hadn't understood the peace of sleeping curled up next to another person, especially a person you loved. And while I'd only had four nights sleeping next to Dimitri, versus seventeen years without, every time I tried to sleep now my body craved the feeling of his strong manly arms around me. I yearned for the steady, comforting beat of his heart and the feel of his breath on my hair.