Into the Ether - Complete

The Winter of Our Discontent: Part 23

I'd had the most horrible dreams. Running through mist trying to find something, but every time I was nearly there everything would shift, and I'd have to start again. I'd had dreams like this from time to time over the years, but as with everything else, pregnancy seemed to exaggerate things tenfold. It was actually a relief to drag myself out of bed at 5 pm ahead of training. Any excuse not to have to endure another round of disturbing imaginings from my subconscious.

It was Friday, and while I'd usually be happy to see the start of the weekend, I was dreading this one. Sunday was the day I'd promised Celeste I'd tell Alberta. She'd been pushing me for weeks, stressing the need for Junior and me to receive proper medical care. It wasn't that I was unwilling, I just needed the time to prepare myself. However I'd come to the conclusion that no amount of preparation was going to be enough – so after lunch on Sunday Celeste was going to come with me to tell Alberta my big news.

I knew she'd be disappointed. If not in me then for me. The more I thought about the future, the more I appreciated how much was going to change. I was hoping I could graduate, but that was far from a given thing. Guarding Lissa would certainly be out. In fact so might be guarding at all. I had no idea how I was going to support myself in the first few months with a newborn, let alone how I'd cover the inevitable medical expenses associated with having a baby.

Court seemed like my best bet for work, but with a baby and no allocation, Guardian housing would be out, so that left very expensive accommodation inside the wards or potentially dangerous quarters a long commute away. The human world was in some ways a better bet – but as a Dhampir, I had no papers or social security number. It hadn't been a problem when Lissa and I had been on the run – a combination of her compulsion and inexhaustible trust fund had seen to that. But as a single woman with no papers, no money, no qualifications or contacts and a new baby I was unlikely to get the lucky breaks I needed to eke out an existence for the two of us anywhere outside the seediest and most desperate of domains. Not that I was too proud to do that if I needed to – but I thought I'd explore the opportunities in my own world first. I wasn't the first young Dhampir woman to find herself pregnant and all but penniless. There could be all sorts of options out there for all I knew.

Yawning, I got up and changed into workout clothes. On Sunday I'd be twelve weeks along. The end of the first trimester. According to the book, I should soon start to have more energy and less morning sickness. I wasn't showing yet. All my clothes still fitted fine. Celeste had told me a lot of Dhampir women and Guardians, in particular, didn't show until quite late – a combination of lucky genetics and well-developed abdominal muscles. I remember my own mother once saying she worked until the end of her fifth month, so I was hopeful I could do likewise.

At the gym, Celeste was feeling chirpy. Stella had recently got her first e-mail address, and she was using it to communicate with her 'sister.'

"She's only allowed to use it to e-mail her teacher, her best friend, Mom, Dad or me. I've never had much use for e-mail – but I'm checking it like twice a day now because Stell keeps sending me messages!"

"Do you think you'll ever tell her the truth?"

Celeste looked thoughtful.

"I'm really not sure. Dad is adamant that she never know. Mom thinks she should be told one day but not yet. I'd like her to know, but not until she's old enough to understand why I had to do it this way. Why it was the best of a shitty bunch of options."

We did our workout, me a little slower than usual. I was noticing I was getting puffed more easily than I used to.

"Wait until you hit months eight and nine - you'll feel like you'll never breathe properly again," Celeste joked as she did her chin-ups.