Into the Ether - Complete

Spring, When New Things Grow: Part 14

The size of Dimitri's bed meant when I woke up I was able to spread out properly for the first time in forever. Well - for the first time since I'd slept beside Dimitri at Missoula; although then I'd only wanted to stretch out towards him. Here in his bed, I could still smell him; his aftershave and his body scent were on the sheets and pillow, giving me the most peaceful, dreamless sleep I'd had since he'd left. The larger bed and the comfort of his smell weren't the only things that had made last night so relaxing. Like all Guardian rooms, Dimitri's had its own bathroom. While I knew the overnight toilet trips were going to get more frequent the further I progressed into my pregnancy, last night it had been delightful to wander nude from the bed to the bathroom and back again without having to get dressed.

I'd been sobbing when I'd come in last night, but just being surrounded by his things had helped. I'd stripped down and climbed into his bed, the cotton of his flannelette sheets soft again my skin. When I woke, it was early, and I was almost smiling. I felt refreshed, and it had been a long time since I'd woken up feeling that way. I'd needed Dimitri's comfort last night, and even gone he'd managed to calm me. I looked around his room. In some ways, I knew my Russian God so well, but in others, he was still a mystery to me. So knowing he was gone, and I'd be packing everything up soon enough, I flipped through his books. I didn't want to snoop, but I'd never understood his obsession with Westerns. But then I'd never read one.

I grabbed the most dog-eared tome from the box of things to return to Baia, curling back into the comfort of his bed and snuggling under the beautiful handmade quilt. Arranging his pillows against me, I could almost believe he was here beside me sleeping while I read. For the first twenty pages I was laughing to myself, but after that, I started to get into it. Westerns wouldn't be my first choice of reading material, but I could admit this one was diverting. As I read, I was getting sleepy. I must have drifted off because I woke sometime mid-morning Vampire time to see a worried Alberta and Stan standing beside the bed.

"Oh thank God!" she said, sitting beside me and stroking my forehead and hair. "We were knocking, and you didn't answer!"

"Sorry," I muttered blinking my eyes open properly, relieved that while my shoulders were bare, the covers were hiding everything else. "I just haven't been sleeping so well recently, but it's so restful here... I must have fallen asleep again."

Stan had his eyes averted.

"I'll leave since everything's ok," he muttered awkwardly.

I looked at Alberta after he went.

"Guardian Alto heard me banging on the door and came in with me in case you were in trouble."

"I'm ok. Thanks for letting me sleep here, Alberta. It helped me feel close to him," I said with a sad little smile. "I'm trying to say goodbye, I am. But it's hard when I don't want to."

"Maybe it would help if we organized the memorial for him?" she suggested, her hand still smoothing my hair. "We can do it however you want."

I nodded. I didn't want a memorial at all. I wanted Dimitri to be here with Junior and me, but Alberta was right. It had been two weeks since the public announcement had been made. It was time.

"Can we do it after my birthday? I want to get through that first."

"Of course. I'll talk with Father Andrews. Maybe just a simple service and then we could do tea and sandwiches afterward?"

"With lots of egg and lettuce ones. They were his favorite," I stipulated.

"Were they?" Alberta chuckled. "What an odd thing to notice."

I shrugged.

"I loved him, Alberta. I noticed everything."