Into the Ether - Complete

The Winter of Our Discontent: Part 17

"Come on, Rose! The Yule Ball is the second last dance before graduation. Can't you at least pretend to be excited?!" It was Christmas Eve, and I was sitting on a chair in Lissa's room as she and Tasha primped and prepped me for the dance. "And I still don't get why you don't have a date?"

Because the man I'm in love with isn't here and I don't want to even think about going with anyone else – that's why I thought to myself. Out loud I sighed and said, "I told you, Lissa – I'm just not into anyone, so I'd rather go solo."

"Are you ok?" she asked, looking at me carefully. Lissa wasn't always the most observant, but I guess me not being excited about a dance was pretty out of character.

"Yeah. Still working through my feelings after my Qualifier," I said, not completely untruthfully. Celeste and I had talked about it, and I was feeling a bit better about it. I was grateful Christian, Lissa and Tasha hadn't told anyone so, for now, no one else knew.

Lissa nodded, and I could tell through the bond she felt guilty the kills had affected me so much. Like Christian, she thought a Guardian's first kills were something they'd celebrate, so now she felt bad that she hadn't appreciated that no amount of training or justification could prepare someone for the reality of taking a life. Even a soulless one. Of course, she didn't know that that was only a part of my disquiet - but I couldn't be sharing that information with her.

"So did you have any luck contacting Guardian Belikov, Tasha?" Lissa asked kindly. "Is he likely to be here tonight?"

"I don't think so," Tasha said, disappointment in her voice. "I've left two or three messages on his voicemail, but he hasn't called back."

"Phone towers are probably down. I remember Dimitri once said the winter is fierce in Baia. If it's been snowing heavily, it might have taken them out?" I suggested.

"I hadn't thought of that," Tasha replied brightly. "I'll try his house in Baia tomorrow. It will be nice to wish him happy Christmas and to let him know there's something special waiting for him here at the Academy," she simpered. Yep. Wanted to hurl again. Or hurl something at her. Not quite sure which! It was hard, because other than her frequent suggestive mentions about my man, I actually liked Tasha.

"So how are you doing your hair tonight, Liss?" I asked, changing topics.

"I thought I'd do half up half down in loose curls," she explained, lifting part of her hair to show Tasha and me what she meant.

"Oh! Can I do it for you?" Tasha asked enthusiastically, looking to Lissa then I for approval.

I shrugged and nodded, looking at Lissa. I always did her hair and her mine before we went out – but I knew she was trying to bond as much as possible with Tasha. Besides which, I wasn't hugely skilled at doing hair, so Tasha might well be the better choice. Lissa shot me a grateful look as I flopped back on her sofa and flicked through a magazine while Tasha got busy with the hair iron.

"Hey, what does dochka mean? In Russian? I think that's how it was said?"

"What was the context?" Tasha asked curiously.

"Um – it was in one of my Guardian studies examples," I said, frantically trying to come up with a plausible story. "A young woman was talking with an older woman who said 'make sure you do dochka,' but the young woman's name was something else."

"Oh – that's an affectionate term for daughter," Lissa explained, and Tasha agreed.

I smiled internally. Olena had called me her daughter! That was a pretty big tick of approval on the mother-in-law front, I thought happily. I went back to loafing on the sofa, idly listening to Lissa and Tasha chat, but really thinking about Dimitri. I'd sent him a long email earlier telling him about the Tasha situation. I'd never been into journaling, but I had to admit as a technique for straightening things out in my head it had merit. Half the time as I wrote I could imagine my Russian God's sensual voice replying to my ramblings. What I'd give to have him really here. How eighteen days could be such a long time was beyond me.