Survivors

Practice

I wake up the next day late. I rub my eyes and walk to the dining room.

"Hey-o! Look who finally woke up!" Wessa smiles.

"Hi." I nod, sitting down. Jade is sitting behind her, brushing her hair.

"Can you do it like yours?" Wessa asks.

"A ponytail isn't that fancy, Wes." Jade laughs.

"Well, my cousin always got me to do her hair. I can do braids, buns, whatever." Xavier leans across the table.

"No, I want a ponytail." She declines. I finish my egg and stare at Xavier, who seems to be unable to process someone turning him down, despite it happening practically every day since he met Wessa. He looks at me as if to ask where he went wrong. I give him the only look that can communicate that he went wrong everywhere and head to my room. Soon, he's knocking on my door.

"I don't understand, dude! How do I, like, not screw up?" He asks.

"Have you never had contact with a human before? You seem to have no practice whatsoever knowing how their emotions work!" I groan. He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, could you try to move your eyes back so much as to try to find your brain somewhere else?"

"I am offended!" He gasps. "You have wounded me, Rowan!"

"Good for you. Now sulk in your own room. I need to brush my teeth." I push him back behind the door.

"Wait! Please, Ro! I need to know how to swoon hot alien princesses!" He pleads.

"Maybe Wessa's aromantic. Or lesbian. Or, most probably, really not interested." I offer.

"Okay, but what if she's not? What then?" He asks.

"Then you be yourself. But that hasn't been going to well for you, has it?"

"Maggie? What are you doing outside my door, too?" I ask.

"I'm passing by to get to my room, geez." She sighs.

"Get this salty child out of our conversation!" Xavier demands.

"I am not a child! I am a thirteen-and-a-half-torams-old Astralis Cadet!" She shouts.

"Still legally considered a child on Earth." Xavier mutters. "Now, shoo. This is a broment, Magri Xeles, and you are not welcome. It's a private conversation." I roll my eyes and spit out my toothpaste. "Now, as I was saying, advice. What do you have?"

"I don't know, I've never had a girlfriend or tried to get one before." I sigh.

"Okay. Pretend you're some sort of gorgeous extraterrestrial princess for me." He tells me.

"I've already done this, and I screwed it up. Talk to Jade or something." I offer.

"Hell to the no. She's the one I'm competing with, you know? Jade and Wessa were hugging last night! And not Maggie. She's too insulting. And Regeit would just be weird."

"Use a mirror." I comb my hair, which does virtually nothing.

"Um, no! What if I got caught kissing a mirror!" He argues.

"Well, I wouldn't date myself, either." I mutter.

"You must have impossibly high standards, then." He chuckles. "Hey? Am I good at this?" I open the door and run after him with my bow.

"NOT IN A MILLION YEARS WILL YOU EVER BE SMOOTH, XAVIER MCALLISTER!" I scream, chasing him.

"WELL IT'S A GOOD THING I'D LOVE YOU FOR LONGER THAN THAT TIME LIMIT!" He shoots back. I hiss. "PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! I'M SORRY!"