Survivors

Agony

"Dad, no!" I scream, pulling Regeit against my chest.

I can hardly hear it myself. The words come out quickly and quietly.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I repeat it over and over again.

You'd think by now I'd have numbed my feelings after so much death. I never said it, but this is exactly how I expected it to happen. But I always lower my expectations to normally be pleasantly surprised.

"Rowan!" Jade reaches me first.

"He's dead, Jade!" I sob.

"Calm down, he wouldn't want you to cry." She pats my back. "Let go of his body and we can-"

"Not yet! Please!" I sniffle.

"We can't stay here forever, or Polois might come back." She reasons.

"Fine." I snap, my sadness melting into anger. "He can come. I don't care."

"You're not thinking rationally, nor was he. Regeit wanted revenge, and look where that got him." She nods to the corpse.

"I won't hesitate. I won't worry about what Polois has to say. I'm going to kill him." I growl.

"Do you really want to lose two fathers in one day?"

"Polois is not my father." I mumble.

"Your mother loved him. That must count for something." Maggie sits down. "Maybe, if you find that person he used to be again-"

"People change." I whisper. "And there's no going back. I'm not the same person I was on Earth. You aren't the same person I first met." She purses her lips as I look up.

Soon, we're joined by everyone.

I don't know what to feel anymore.

Fear? Fury? Grief?

It's almost like a mixture.

"I don't want to be here anymore!" I sob suddenly.

"Let's get back to the ship," offers Xavier.

"No, I don't want to exist anymore!" I explain, my voice rising until it breaks. "This is all life is, isn't it? You get attached to something and it gets ripped away from you. Do you remember what Regeit was saying on the way here? 'We will be with you forever, Rowan. You are my new family. I'm not just going to leave you in the dark at the drop of a hat. I know what it's like to be alone, and nobody will feel like that again if I can help it'. Well he couldn't help it, could he?"

"Rowan, stop." Wessa places a hand gently on my shoulder.

"I know what I need to do, and I'll do it alone if none of you understand!"

"Rowan." Wessa repeats.

"You shut up!" I snarl, whipping my head to face her and shoving her hand off of my shoulder.

"I... I'm sorry..." she whispers, tears threatening to flow out of her eyes.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jade pushes me. I get to my feet.

"We can't ignore what's going on anymore!"

"And we aren't!" She stands as well.

"Yes, you are! We don't need cowards. We need revenge!" I can't even recognize myself at this point.

"Regeit told you that peace is more important than revenge." Maggie butts in.

"This is the only way to achieve peace."