Ten Letters To Cassidy

Letter Five

Dear Cassidy,

I've been listening to a lot of rap lately, mostly Eminem. I think he can reach people on a much darker, deeper level. Remember when I was obsessed with him in seventh grade? Lose Yourself was my ring tone and everything. Well he's my life again, my light in the dark. Cheesy, right? But that's what your death has brought me too, losing myself in the music and just pretending to be happy and alive, just for a few minutes.

Riley and I have been talking about visiting you. I'm not sure if I can do it or not. Seeing your grave could make everything real. Right now I'm blissfully ignorant, I don't want to go on living like this, but I'm just not ready to move on.

I do have a story to tell you. You'd probably love the drama and everything. It's stupid really, I couldn't even believe it when I heard it. These girls have been spreading these pathetic rumors around school about me. Not like anyone cares but they're barking up the wrong tree.

They keep saying things like I walk like a whore, I'm not a virgin, either that or I'm a lesbian. I don't understand people, Cassidy. They can talk all they want, but they wouldn't dare face me head on. I can't stand people like them. They're losers, and I'm not saying the rumors are wrong, but what business is it of theirs to go around telling people that?

What if I was a lesbian, they could seriously be offending me and other people around them. What if I wasn't a virgin, what if I was raped? I just can't stand bullies, they're weak, pathetic, pitiful, scum. Harsh, but I have no tolerance for people like that.

At this point you'd probably be laughing off the whole situation. You were always scared of me, weren't you? Thought that my temper could be something really bad. But I'd never hurt you, you should have trusted me. I wish you had trusted me, I could have helped you, I wanted to help you.

Love,

Savannah