Ten Letters To Cassidy

Letter Seven

Dear Cassidy,

I've admitted it today. I've finally escaped the delusional world I was living in. You're dead.

You're dead.

You're dead.

You're dead.

I could go on saying this, writing it, thinking it. I could go on and on just admitting that you are dead. But it breaks my heart each time. And then I think, how do I move on? How can I finally say goodbye?

That I don't know, I don't know how I'll say goodbye. I've said it before, so many people have died. My cousin died just last week, a year after she got married. I said goodbye, I made me peace. I've lost grandparents, aunts and uncles, more cousins, and I've said goodbye each time. And then there is you, Cassidy. I just can't say it, though I have admitted your death, I'm still in denial.

Riley seems to be moving on. She's admitted to missing you. I can't say that yet, though I'm almost there.

I have to ask, what are you doing? I just have to know. Are you in heaven? Is there such a place, I'm truly curious. Are you happy, are you sad? Are you watching us, mocking us and laughing? Cassidy, I want to know what has happened to you. I can't ever move on, if I'm still thinking about you, still worrying about you. Are you finally at rest or are you restless, wandering around? Maybe you're haunting us, watching over us and poking us in our sleep. But I'll never know, will I?

That sucks, like sucks a lot. I want to know what you're doing, what you're thinking. Are you regretting things, wishing you had done certain things? I bet you are, I would be.

I have something to tell you, something on a lighter note. Riley and I were in health and we were learning about condoms. Awkward topic, ain't it? Anyway there is such things as finger condoms, mind has been blown.

Riley asked, "Why don't you just wear a glove?"

Of course I'm stupid and say, "Are you sticking your whole hand up there or just your finger?"

The kid next to us starts laughing and the teacher wants to know what's so funny. So I tell her. And she goes into a deep explanation about why you can't use gloves to have sex.

Also there are edible condoms that come in Chocolate, I kind of want to eat one. Don't judge me, Cassidy. We all knew I was bizarre and weird.

Besides that, nothing interesting has happened, life is pretty boring. Sad, right? But that's life, not everything is like a Hollywood movie, or as hot.

Love,

Savannah