The Diary Of An Emotional Teenaged Girl (AKA Me)

Emotional Spill

So I just typed like a few hundred words of the drama and realized that it's not as intense as if you were actually there so I just deleted it, I'm sorry. 

Onto today's scheduled program.

I have forgotten my phone for two days in a row now. I always thought of myself as someone that was addicted to my phone in a way, but over this past year I've tried to distance myself from it and I guess I did just that and then some. Oh well. 

Also today, I realized that I might be developing a crush on a guy at school. Like not just a pretend boyfriend kind of thing where you admire a guy you know you'll never get with from afar, but like a genuine I find you more than just good looking kind of crush. Sure, he made me cry today but I definitely wouldn't have cried if I hadn't started my period today. So I'll tell you about this guy.

First day of school, first class of school, first time with the whole new wave of people, I got assigned with my friend from my home school to work on a lab with the guy that I like. We'll call him, well no secrets right best friend? So we'll call him what his name is: Chris. Yep, it's the guy you're thinking of. Originally, I thought he'd be the preppy, thinks he's too good for everyone kind of guy that he dresses like. He looks like the typical wealthy, varsity playing, brains and brawn guy. He's attractive I think, mostly because of the blond hair and the blue eyes that I almost always die for, but he's also funny and irritating in the not irritating way. To elaborate, he likes to work and do everything on his own and he's not the best at explaining problems that I'm stuck on. It's irritating but it's not irritating like as if for example he wouldn't stop talking about politics or his views and opinions and irritating things like that. Because you can't really get mad about someone that's just really bad at explaining things, at least I can't because as you can see now, I'm not too good at it either. Words, man, I can't do 'em. 

Now normally I don't tend to like the good-looking, popular guys, even though at the tech school no one is popular per say, but I can assume he definitely was at his home school. However, I ended up liking his personality, even if his tech group finds him annoying, I don't see what's so bad about him. I've heard that he likes to add his opinion to everything but the example that they gave to it was literally about bacon and I don't see what the big deal is about sharing your opinion about bacon. I've also heard that, get this, "omg why does he always send pics of what he's eating like we don't care". This one was just stupid to me. Really, you want to get heated over someone pictures of food. I mean I make the food there so please, take all the pictures you want, that makes me feel better about it #selfesteembooster. I know for a fact that everyone is annoying in some way, but he hasn't annoyed me yet. Sure one day he called our lunch "cat food" right in front of my face, but I made him regret it basically and now it's a joke and we're over it. I guess I haven't really explained what made me like him yet, so with my ADHD mind, I'll get to it.

What I like I guess actually kinda was that last paragraph. We tend to pick on each other and get genuinely butthurt about it for awhile and then we go back and laugh at it. I also just like talking to him. I don't exactly have too much that I can say about it because we don't exactly talk much outside of school, although I did today because I asked for the last problem of my physics homework and he sent a smiley face #hestotallyintomejk. I get excited easily, what can I say I don't have much going on in either my social or relationship life so forgive me. Little things go a long way in my book. 

I knew for a fact on the first day of school when I had my last class with him as well, that we'd be good friends at least, because we got to talk to each other every other day (aka when we had class) and they were always pleasant conversations. I had been in an AP world class at the time and I knew that I'd end up dropping out because I value my life over my studies. Our first test I was sure that he wasn't the kind to cheat and that he was the cliche and annoying "total package" where he had the smarts and the muscles which never really phase me. I couldn't care less whether a guy was hecka ripped or not, it's 9/10 personality and 1/10 looks. So when I saw this guy I originally thought he'd be more of the 9/10 looks 1/10 personality, but I'd give him a, out of 20, 9/10 looks and 7.5 or 8/10 personality for a total score of 17/20, which is a solid B+. It's early in the year so this isn't a final grade. Anyway, he looked over at me when we were not even four questions into the quiz, he looks over and whispers "what'd you get for this one" and I knew that we'd be cool ever since. I was kind of upset that I hadn't made it farther than the first test of the year without cheating. I ended up getting more answers from him than he did from me even though he got a better grade than me. About two tests later, I realized that I wouldn't make it in the class and I told him that I was going to drop. The sad look he gave convinced me to stay for another week until it approached the cutoff date for dropping classes. He tried getting me to stay saying that he needed me if he was going to make it farther and that he'd be stuck all alone without me and that he didn't want me to quit because he knew that I could do it, but alas I did it anyway. About two weeks after I had joined the honors class and was all settled with life I found out that Chris was going to join too. Thankfully, there was an open seat in front of me and I fought the other table next to me to get him to sit there. Granted, if he didn't, this racist annoying chick would've had to sit there. I won and he sits in front of me now just like old times. That brings us to today.

Today's conversation was what made me go back and think about how I might be developing a crush on him. We were in social studies doing busy work that we got from a substitute and everyone had their music on. All of a sudden my cramps from my freshly started period made me ball up on the desk and just lay there. The girls at my table asked if I was okay and I told them about it since Chris had his music up loud and couldn't hear me. When I told them they immediately understood and sympathized and stuff. Later on, I felt worse and was like y'all idk if I'm gonna make it and Chris tuned in this time. He asked what was wrong and I said I was having female issues, which everyone knows means your period. When he asked what I meant, one of my friends looked at me and asked "you wanna tell him?" so I looked over at him and said, "well, you know when a girl hits puberty" and that was enough for him I guess because he was like "nope ok nah I'm good" and proceeded to return up his music. A few minutes later he pulled out an earbud and said, "I can't see you having those problems". 

I'm sorry, what does that mean???????

I asked that. I was so confused. Then I asked if he meant that he saw me as a kid like I always am afraid people see me as and he was hesitant so I was sure that's what he saw me as and then he said no and I told him he was lying because he hesitated and then he was concerned and threw his hands up saying "I don't know what to say I'm going to be wrong regardless" and the other girls nodded their heads and it was funny. I was just confused. The conversation continued and got more confusing until all five of us were confused and then, my mood swings hit. I got back from taking my medicine once the cramps became horrendous and when I came back I recurled up on my desk from the pain and all of a sudden my music shot all the way up and so I looked up and saw Chris laughing. I was mad and told him to stop so I hid my phone in my desk and put my head back down. Then he tapped on my pencil and said "that's a nice pencil ya got there" and I told him to just take it because I was on the verge of a meltdown. If I would've looked at him, I probably would've cried. He did take the pencil and my friend fortunately told him the exact words that I was thinking: "you're an ass". I felt better when she called him that until he laughed and poked me in the head with it. I had my hood up so it wasn't like I felt it, but at the time I still felt violated so I started to tear up. I fought so hard not to just sob right then and there and I succeeded at staying strong. I shed some tears though. Once I half regained myself I looked up at him and told him how me made me upset and how I cried when my head was down and he called me a liar. Now that I think of it, it was basically the kind of conversation/situation that third graders have. Anyway, I found out later that he wrote a note on my paper saying 

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY AMANDA!!

At this I was more annoyed that he wrote on my paper but if I hadn't been on my period I would've probably appreciated the note. Instead, I wrote on his planner a note for him to remember. I drew an arrow from the date and wrote 

The DAY YOU MADE ME CRY

He thought it was funny and at this point my mood swings were over even though the pain wasn't. I half laughed at it since it hurt still. We were good again. I told him that I wanted him to always remember that he made me cry and he told me he would so I was content. The bell rang a few minutes later and I couldn't get over my intense mood swings. I could feel myself not being myself. It was weird but cool. 

Anyway, yeah, that was the conversation that made me like him I guess. 

Sorry it's so long :/ <3