Chapter 1

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Reincarnation

I don't believe the latter. I am a Christian, excuse me. I was raised to serve God and I did that not because my family wants me to but because I knew he exist and I knew that he's always with me.

Problems that I faced, I leaned on him having faith that everything is going to be fine.

And it did...

You're asking me if my faith broke?

Yes it did.. I regretted it..

It was when I was diagnosed with an incurable disease when I was 15.

I asked him...

"why me? .. Did I do something bad that I deserve
this punishment?"

That was when I started to reflect on my actions..

You see.. I was an introvert. Being the latter is hard, when you want to spoke out what you feel you ended up being silent because you're thinking that they don't care and they won't do something to fix that.

And I unconsciously hurt those who cared for me..

When I learned that I was sick, I pushed them away.. All of them. Even my parents.

I know that I'm gonna disappear from their lives.. Why not make them used to it? I mean, I don't need their pity. I don't want them to waste their efforts on someone whose going to be gone forever.

What for?

For me? .. Heh.. I don't deserve such treatment.

I am a horrible person. I know that from the start.

These... These thoughts hurt them. They thought I
was belittling their love for me, but no. I never did, I care for them so much that I don't want them to waste their time by trying to save my sorry excuse of a life.

My best friend cried gripping my hand so tight. I may look emotionless at that time but my heart was like pierced by a hundred needles.

"Why are you doing this to us... Why won't you lean on us.. Please.. Don't make us lose our hopes."

I replied something that I totally regretted

"Leave me be. All of you will eventually forget about me and move on.. I'm just making the process faster.."

I was being too sensitive.. I know. I'm horrible right? The hard truth eventually slapped in my face when her face darkened and her grip on me loosened. She stood up then walked away from my room slamming the door..

Like she accepted in herself that I was dead..

I was hurt.
But I made them do it. And I don't have the right to feel that way.

I felt relieved but at the same time hurt.

Relieved that all of them are going to be fine without me, Hurt that they easily give in like I was not that special to them. Like I was just an another person they know not someone who has a special place in their lives.

Years of waiting, my sickness finally dominated me. On the half of the year that I was diagnosed, I have forgotten about my birthdate. My dad reminded me when.

After a year I forgot about my friends, then next my older brother, then my mom, my best friend, my name.. I forgot who I am..

The last person I have forgotten was my father.. You can say he's the one that is so close to my heart..

"Daddy? What's my favorite food?" I asked him all of the things that I have forgotten, he always answered me with a shaky voice and tears in his eyes..

Then eventually I forgot how to walk, to move my arms, to speak , to think , until my heart finally forgets how to beat..

I died when I was 18

I never told them about the letter that I hid under my clothes in the hospital room closet. Telling my last farewells and all of the things that I was sorry..

Reincarnation

I never believe the latter. .

Not until I saw the light again with a faint crying voice not too far away from me.

______
CHAPTER END.

Too short for a chapter. Oh well..

So how was it? Like it? No? Okay :(

Pardon me for my grammar, and I'm sorry for the grammatical errors.

Caió ~

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