The Nanny [Jimmy Fallon]

19

The next few weeks went by in a blur, and honestly, very little changed in them. I was still living with Kara and Rob when I wasn't with the Fallon's, which seemed to be more often now as they hadn't managed to replace Alyssa. I had been looking for my own place, but as I was working so often I hadn't had much of a chance to look for apartments.

I still hadn't caved and gone back to James, which was an accomplishment in itself as he had messaged me nearly every day for the past 3 weeks, and I'd been missing him a lot. I was definitely getting over him, but it was gradual. It was dawning on me the extent to what he'd done, and although I was missing him I was also starting to really detest him.

Jimmy and I had continued messing around, if you could still call it that. It had stepped up in seriousness, despite nothing stepping down for him and Nancy. I couldn't deny that it bothered me - he kept on promising that he would speak to her, but he just hadn't yet. I understood the implications of him doing it, but he was miserable with her. Now that I'd become a more constant part of their lives, Nancy had given up the façade she was putting on with Jimmy and they hardly spoke. It made me feel a little less guilty, but not entirely.

But Jimmy was sleeping in the guest room, he was hardly spending any weekends at the Hamptons house, and he barely even looked in Nancy's direction. Instead, his gaze was almost permanently fixed on me. It was giving me hope, hope that this would actually turn into something, because I was really starting to like him.

And I had to admit, the secrecy and sneaking around was kind of exciting. The way he would knock on my door late at night, joining me in bed as we messed around for the rest of the night. The way he would follow me into the kitchen, his hands snaking around my waist from behind as I made food for the girls. The way he would move over and kiss me the second someone left the room, his lips frantic against mine as if he'd been waiting forever to do it. I was falling, I knew it. I just didn't know how long I could keep this charade up for.

"You know we can't carry on doing this forever," Jimmy whispered to me, his breath hot in my ear as I cuddled into his arms. "This sneaking around is getting exhausting."

"The balls in your court, Jimmy," I muttered, looking up into his dark eyes, my stomach flipping over. I'd known him for 2 months now, and I still couldn't stop my heart from fluttering every time he looked at me.

"I know, Iz," he sighed, squeezing me. "I know you're getting frustrated... I am too, believe me. But I promise, baby, this will get sorted soon. I'm just glad Nancy and I are at a point where we're barely communicating. If we were, then I would feel even guiltier than I do."

"Do you regret this?"

"No," he answered quickly, his lips kissing the top of my head. "Never, Iz. I know this is a fucked up situation, and it's so damn frustrating. But I don't regret it."

I didn't respond. I was so scared of getting hurt by him, which he could do so, so easily. I couldn't share my true feelings for him, mainly because I didn't really know what they were yet - I had no idea if this was lust, or something stronger. If this was anyone else, it would have been so different, yet I had to fall for him of all people.

But I couldn't possibly distance myself from him – not now.

"How do you feel about tomorrow, anyway pal? Are you feeling nervous?" He asked, changing the subject.

"A little, I guess," I muttered, biting my lip. Jimmy had arranged an audition for me tomorrow. It was just a small speaking role for a TV show I'd never even heard of, but Jimmy knew one of the producers and set it up for me. I knew it wasn't anything big and it probably wouldn't lead to anything, but I was freaking out. I hadn't done an audition since just after college when I auditioned for a play in Philly, and even that was terrifying.