The Nanny [Jimmy Fallon]

18

I didn't have to return to Jimmy and Nancy's until the following Thursday, meaning I had almost 5 days to try and process what happened, and what I was going to do. However, the 5 days did absolutely nothing to help me and I felt just as conflicted as I was before.

I had spent the entire weekend with Kara and Rob, avoiding phone calls from James and trying to act normal as Kara attempted to feed me copious amounts of food. She was a really bad chef but she loved doing it so much so we never told her, but now I was slightly starting to regret it. I turned to her as I took a small bite of my spaghetti carbonara turned scrambled egg dish, feeling a little nauseous.

"You know, I'm still quite full from those cookies," I told her, and she just nodded, taking a big bite of her food. How she stomached it, I didn't quite know.

"Me too," Rob coughed. "But this is awesome, babe."

Spending time with Kara and Rob was fun, but it was quite nice when it got to Monday and I had some time alone, until Kara got home at 4 from work. Time alone allowed me to really think about how I felt, inside of hiding my emotions in front of people. On Monday I cried almost the entire day, my entire body aching as I spent hours lying on the couch sobbing. All I thought about that day was James – how he'd betrayed me, how much I hated him, how I knew this had broken me for life. Once Kara and Rob got home, I didn't move out of bed for the rest of the evening.

On Tuesday I was still sad, but I started missing him a little bit more. I woke up alone, and wished he was here with me. I got out my phone and typed out a message to him, telling him I wanted to see him to talk, however I stopped myself from sending it. There was nothing more to say and I knew that – I just felt like I needed to see him. He was my boyfriend, my partner in crime, for so long, and now that he wasn't it just felt foreign.

Kara took a half day on Wednesday and came with me to the apartment to get the rest of my stuff. I knew James would be at work so I wasn't worried about running into him, I was more worried incase he'd moved her in. Luckily, there was no woman's stuff there aside from my own, and Kara and I spent the next few hours packing my suitcases.

"This is so weird," I whispered, looking around at the apartment with pretty much all my stuff gone. None of the furniture or furnishings were mine, but all the clutter was, and the place looked bare without it.

"It's really weird. How do you feel?"

Honestly, I wasn't sure, and I told her that. I still felt extremely sad, although I'd pretty much cried myself out. I felt sad that he'd practically ruined my life, forcing me to move out of my home and move into my friend's guest room. But at the same time, all I wanted to was go back into my room and climb into my bed, and forget that this had all happened.

But it had. And as I stared back at the almost empty apartment, I realised that this was for the best. I wasn't completely happy with him anyway, I had feelings for someone else, and he was a fucking pig. It was going to be tough, but I could do this.

"Should we go and get some sushi?" Kara asked as we lugged the suitcases into her car that was parked in our basement. "There's that awesome place only 2 blocks away. What's it called again?"

I didn't reply – I was distracted by the figure who had just come down in the elevator, a panicked look on his face as he practically ran towards us. James.

"Oh, fuck no!" Kara yelled as she spotted him, going into fully protective mode over me. "Izzie, get in the car. Now."

"Izzie, please," James said, his eyes tearing up. He was wearing his suit but he still looked a complete mess, and I just couldn't look away from his bright blue eyes. It was so weird to see him, even though it had been less than a week since I last did. I found myself wanting to reach out and hug him, just feel him against me one more time. Would that be so wrong?