Malec - Does he know?

It will be okay

It had taken me forever to fall asleep.
I had been close to several panik attachs because of the mear thought, what people would say, do or act around me if anyone found out I was gay. I've been trough this so many times in my mind over the years. I finally gave up and started to think about Magnus, like I did every night before sleep.
I recalled the feeling of having him in my arms. Hugging him, inhaling his sweet and husky smell. How soft, but manly strong body felt close to mine. His whispers in my ears. His sparkly happy eyes looking at me.
I can't belive that he likes me, like Izzy said. How come I never saw that.

I finally fell asleep.

"Alexander.. Alex.. Oh mmmm I like it when you do that." *giggles* Soft kisses on my cheeks, down my neck, of wow this turned me on, he started licking down my chest.
I could feel the happiness though my entire body. I felt like floating.

I woke up so turned on and it took me several minutes before I realised that it had been a dream. I felt like crying and smiling at he same time. I loved these kind of dreams. I made me feel closer to Magnus, but at the same time he felt so far away.

The next thing I did even surprices me. 

I wandered barefoot across the hall, into Izzy's room and crawled under the covers to her. Like we did when we were very young and had bad dreams.

Izzy turned around, put her head on my chest and hugged me tight.
"It will be okay, Alec. I will always be here."

And with that we both fell asleep again.

The next morning was so confusing. I always weak up early, but waking up in Izzy's room was beyond confusing, especially because I had forgotten that I'd walked in here last night.

I spent the next hour laying here, thinking about everything. Would it be so bad to finally let go and really be myself. Society today was way more open to the idea of same sex couples. His true friends would always care for him, he knew them well enough to know that. But would about if it didn't work out with Magnus? What if he didn't want him? It would break my heart if I couldn't spend every day with him anymore.
What about after school. Would he be able to see him at all? What with college?

Izzy woke up and looked at him with concerning eyes.

"Alec, everything will be okay. I know it will. We all love you."

"Izzy, will you help me? Will you teach me how to open up a bit more? I'm not sure I'm completely ready to tell the world everything. But I'd really like to show the world a bit more of the real me."

Izzy jumped out of the covers and sat up on her knees on the bed.

"Are we talking complete makeover or are we talking taking romantic lessons here?" She was so excited it made me laugh.

"I am not sure. Maybe we need a codeword for every time you see me being all 'gentlemanly' as you called it. Maybe I should learn to be more sazzy and that will make me fell more powerful and surer of myself. Any good ideas for something that's not to easy to spot for the others?"

"What if I just play with my earings? I do that sometimes. The others wouldn't notice that. But are you sure you know how to get out of your shell by yourself?"

"Let's take today to make a testrun on it. And let's talk tonight. In two days we are off on our trip and I'd like to practise a bit before then. It would be nice to feel a bit more uninhibited by then."

"Okay!" Izzy jumped out of bed and looked at me with mischief in her eyes. "First things, first. We need to dress you up to feel the part."

I got really nervous about this. But I would be happy to give her a chance, to help me out. But mann I don't hope she's gonna dress me up in anything pink or sparkly.