lutteoficweek july 2017

No Quiero Sentirme Un Cobarde

Matteo walked with Gastòn out of school and followed Luna to make sure he will catch her to be able to talk to her. He was very nervous and he couldn't quite believe what he was about to do. He knew that the following conversation will be the most honest he has ever had with Luna, thinking about it, made him even more nervous.

They both stopped in their tracks to prepare Matteo for what's about to come. He watched her walk away, trying to build up his confidence.

"Are you sure about what you are going to do?" Gastòn asked one last time to make sure that Matteo was sure about his choice.

"Yes." Matteo smiled at the thought. "I don't have any doubts. I'm going to tell her everything that I feel" he kept looking at her with admiration while he was saying this.

"Okay, then good luck." Gastòn and Matteo did some kind of bro shake with their hands. "I'll be there if you need me." His best friend told him and then he left to sit on one of the benches nearby.

Matteo walked to Luna full of confidence and anxiousness. He was nervous about the way she would react and he not so secretly hoped that she won't reject him and tell him everything she feels.

"Luna!" He called out to her.

She heard him and turned around because she wasn't sure who called out her name. But she assumed that it was him and when she turned around and her assumption was confirmed.

He walked to her smiling and happy to finally tell her how he really feels about her, Luna had no idea what was going on so she looked at him with confusion and wonder on her face while he was walking towards her.

Then, suddenly. He heard his phone. He had a message and he stopped to check who it was from. He took a quick glance at her before he looked on his phone. Luna just kept standing there, waiting for what he was going to tell her, she frowned because she didn't have a clue about what was going on.

Luna frowned even more when she saw Matteo's face full of confusion and wonder while he was looking at his phone.

He looked at his phone and it was a message from Fer but he didn't check what the content of the message was because he didn't want anything to get in his way right before he could tell her what he wanted to tell her.

"Matteo." Luna called out his name and he looked up from his phone. He forgot the message instantly. He smiled at her because he was so happy to see her but she didn't return it, that made him a little dissapointed but it didn't stop him from his mission.

He started walking towards her again. He has to do this now, he can't postpone it anymore. He needs to tell her now.

He finally stood right before her and he couldn't stop smiling but she still had that look of wonder on her face.

"What do you want to tell me?" She didn't even try to hide that she wanted to be anywhere but here.

Matteo started sweating and his heart was beating so fast. He got more nervous by the minute. "I... Don't really know where to start." He admitted shyly.

"Why not start at the beginning?" She said sharply.

"Okay." He needed a minute to think. "I'm sorry, Luna." He tried to start.

"Sorry for what? For lying to me about having a girlfriend? For pulling away from me for no apparent reason?" She gave him an angry look.

"I'm sorry for everything." He said with all sincerity.

There was something in his eyes that made her believe him and she knew she wanted to jump in his arms and kiss him but she resisted the urge. She stopped because she remembered all the pain that he put her through.

"You really think you can just apologise to me and think that everything will be alright after that?" She was getting angrier now.

"No, you're right. An aplogy is not enough. I know that. But just know that everything I did, I did for a reason." He tried to explain.

"And what could possible be the reason for doing all of this to me?!" She started yelling a little.

"I did all of this because I love you." He said, trying to stay calm to her outburst.

"What kind of reason is that?" She didn't believe him.

"I love you and I wanted to protect you and I realize now that I approached the situation in the wrong way." He pleaded.

"How is lying to me a protection for me?" She didn't understand a thing.

"I lied to you because I didn't want to hurt you." He sighed, he had to tell her the entire truth. There was no way going around it anymore. "My dad is pressuring me to go to Oxford next year. I thought it'd be better if you forgot me because I knew that it would hurt you if I left. You would have fought for me until I got on that plane. I didn't want us to be together and making all those amazing memories with you to leave you afer that and never speaking to you again. I just couldn't do that to you, you don't deserve that." He looked at the ground because he was a little ashamed of everything he did.

"Matteo, that's nonsense. We were able to be together during the summer when you were miles away and we were both okay with the situation. We did a long distance relationship before. What makes you think that we couldn't do this again?" Her voice was softer now.

"During summer, we knew that we would see each other again but who knows if we ever get to see each other again when I leave again." He explained.

"We would have figured it out. I know that for sure. I know we are so much stronger than this and you know that. Maybe you were afraid, afraid that it wasn't going to work out and that it would end more painful than when you just broke up right after you came back. You were afraid of getting hurt because you know that what we have is special and unique. You knew that if we ever started dating for real, it would get serious and your feelings would grow even more and you knew that you'd be heartbroken if it didn't end well between us. I think you were afraid of that pain because it would be too much for you to bare, it would be too much for us to bare." She looked at the ground as well, she was getting sad of that image. "But you know what, Matteo? I'm not afraid. I know that we'll get trough everything that would be thrown at us. I know that we're strong enough to get through it together."

Matteo was a little startled by her words but he did manage to get out what he's been wanting to say all this time: "Luna, I love you so much and I tried everything to forget you but nothing worked. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. I know what I did was stupid and I acted like a coward and I don't want to be that anymore. I'm willing to fight for you, no matter what it takes. I really hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and I want us to try again and this time I'm all-in. No matter the circumstance, no matter the obstacle. I will fight for you, for us. I promise you that." There was a spark of desperation in his eyes and Luna couldn't resist the sadness mixed with regret and desperation in his eyes. So she leaned in and gave him a huge hug. Matteo was surprised by her move but he was happy about the outcome of their conversation. He pulled away slightly to be able to look into her eyes to find something but all he could see was love and that's all he needed to lean in and kiss her with all that he's got. She kissed him back instantly. The kiss turned deeper and with more desperation like they need each other to be able to breathe. Their kiss slowly turned into a make-out session and they stayed like this until they needed air to breathe. He now knows for sure that he made the right move to talk to her and he knew he needed to do a lot to be able to regain her trust again and he was willing to give everything for him and he made sure she knew that as well.