Turning Tables ---Going Under Construction---

Rainy Day Fun

I sat on my balcony and watched the rain as I finished my cup of coffee. Sasha and Greg were inside watching Netflix, waiting for me to finish my blog post so I would take them out. It had been a short blog, so I finished quickly, but I needed to enjoy the atmosphere a little longer before going back to the whining. 

It had been hard to concentrate on my feelings from the night before. Xander had been sweet and reminisced on our old times. He held me like he used to. It was hard to wrap my brain around everything. The rain was like a shower for your mind, it cleaned away all the bad thoughts and left you with clean, pure knowledge. 

Last night with Xander had been similar, but not the same. The rush I got when we were teens wasn't there. Every touch didn't send a shiver down my body or quicken my pulse. No one had done that since him though. Did he break me or was it just something that happened when you were a love-struck teen with no knowledge of love or lust. 

"Jade!" Greg yelled from inside and I broke from my more somber thoughts. "Are we going or what?"

I rolled my eyes and packed my laptop up to bring inside. "You two are acting like bratty toddlers."

"We are being real," Sasha proclaimed. "At least when it snows, we can build a snowman or igloo. Have a snowball fight. Go sledding. What can we do when it rains? Nothing. Colorado doesn't like rain."

Greg just nodded along with her like anything she was saying made real sense. "And there are snow sports. NAme for me one Rain based sport."

"You weren't planning on running a triathlon today, you were hiking in Chautauqua. Now I am taking you downtown."

___

Our first stop was the Botanical gardens. It was only a drizzle downtown so I wanted to get the outdoor activities done first before the rain made it's way over. Each of us armed with an umbrella we entered the exhibits. Greg almost immediately ran over to the Science pyramid while Sasha and I went to the International Gardens. 

We were walking through the tea house garden when Sasha finally burst. "How did your date go with Xander," she finally asked. I didn't know if it was because Greg was off or if she was finally done complaining, but you could tell the question almost exploded out of he.

"It was... odd," I told her as I inspected the flowers. That was the only word I could think to use. Sasha fidgetted with rocks until I continued. "He was always this really sweet guy when we were together until he cheated of course, but it came out again last night. I didn't know what to think."

She gave me a swift slap in the arm. "Nothing," she demanded. "You do nothing about his lying self. He was sweet before and now because he knows how to play the game. Play it better Jade. That's what you should be thinking about."

I knew she was right. She also had more experience on the crappy guy front, she just didn't let it affect her relationships like I did. It was inexplicable to me how she managed that. 

"When are you meeting next?" Her voice was stern now, demanding. 

I continued through the garden, moving around people to try to find a more private place to talk. "He wants to go to dinner, just the two of us. We haven't set a date yet though."

"You do it!" She nearly screamed. "You even pick the place. Let him have as little control as possible here."

I was hesitant and must have looked it because she stopped abruptly, forcing me to crash into her. 

"Think of the BLOG," she reminded me with wide eyes. The last two posts had been hits but it didn't make this any easier. It didn't make reliving my past any easier for sure. Xander had been my first love. I was either going to erase or relive it with this experiment. I didn't know that I wanted to do either. I didn't want to live in limbo though. 

"Okay," I agreed finally. I was already this deep. "I'll make a date for next Thursday."

She did a mini cheer in the middle of the garden, people staring at her disruption more than the plants. "That's a perfect day too," she told me while ignoring the miffed patrons. "It's close enough to the weekend to be acceptable without being a party night, so he cants drag you anywhere afterward."

"Sure, that's why I picked it," I replied sarcastically. "Not because it was one of my only real days off."

"Whatever," Sasha snarked, but her dimples showed that she was satisfied with my decisions. 

Finally, I dragged Sasha over to the Science Pyramid to meet up with Greg. 

___

By the end of the day we had gone to the Butterfly Pavilion, Denver Atr Museum, and the Denver Aquarium and both Greg and Sasha had to admit that rainy days weren't all a drag, sport or no. Sasha went home early, having to open the next morning at the bar. Greg and I went back to his place for a few drinks. 

"Do you want Vodka or whiskey?" He asked. 

"Vodka," I said with a slight glare. Whiskey was his drink and I didn't understand it. Give me clear liquor any day.

He put two shot glasses and cokes in front of us. "Remember that time in college when we would take a shot everytime we finished a homework question or paper paragraph?"

"Oh my God, I don't know how we graduated." It was true, we both had art majors that we were more or less not using (Writing mine and Art History his), but the fact that we made it through even those majors as blasted as we were most of the time, was a testament to our skills. 

We laughed at our past antics for a moment before Greg put on his serious face. I took my shot in preparation. "I think creativity takes an air of alcoholism," he said. It was true though for us. We could never even get an idea without one sot of liquor in us. "I have a question for you."

"What is it?" I couldn't believe how many questions people had for me lately. It was like I was a guru. 

"What do you want to get out of this thing with Xander?" 

It took me a second but I knew my answer. It took a shot for me to want to answer. "I don't know." Something so simple but so complicated. Just.... not knowing. It was weirder still to know that I didn't have a clue what I wanted out of it. Did I want him to beg for forgiveness, cry? Did I just want him to want me enough to try? Did I want to see him suffer as he tried to satisfy something that could never be sustained? 

We cheered to another shot before Greg asked his next question. "How are you?" He asked after a long silence. It was a simple enough question, but he said it with so much weight that I didn't know what he was really asking. 

"Do you mean with the Xander task?" That was all Sasha asked about anyway. 

"No. At least not fully." He poured me another shot. "I just want to know how you are."

Greg was one of the most caring people I knew, and a lot of people (mostly my mother) wondered why we weren't together. The main reason for both of us is because we can't imagine not having the other there for support one day.  It was a possibility for me to shut off in my brain to that possibility since meeting him and he had never expressed any want for something more. Him wanting to know how I was, above anything, is why he is my best friend. Sasha gave me this fun and girly side, but Greg was the boulder that keeps me in the real world.  "Why?"

His forehead creased in confusion. "Why do I need a reason to ask how you are?"

"It's just a random question is all. I'm fine." I downed the next shot, Greg followed after. I Poured us each one more. "I've been fine."

"You've been tense," he corrected. "You've been writing less too." I hadn't thought he would notice. He was the first to ever follow my blog, I just thought it was out of solidarity.

"If I had known you had been reading my blog all this time I would have written more about you." He didn't look as amused as I wanted him too. He just kept staring like I was someone looking out over the edge, wondering what the ground would feel like. One more shot down for courage. "I've been busy." The oldest lie in the book. 

"You don't have to tell me anything but I am here." He took his own shot. "I'll bring you sheets for the bed."

I nodded as he walked into the room and asked myself the question he had asked me. How am I?