effervescent | m. hummels & r. lewandowski

[ chapter three ]

"Divided, I'm sinking under you're holding out your hand trying to save me now."
—Drown by Kovic

Robert had many unusual habits, but the one I despised the most was him drunk kissing me, or at least, trying to. It happened every once in a while when he came home very late, probably a party at a club.

I never asked, he never told.

Today was just one of the days when he came home late again, as he looked at me with such lustful eyes, I knew where this was headed to. My fears were confirmed when he hungrily smashed his lips onto mine, forcing himself upon me. His hands gripped my hips and he pushed himself onto me, earning a loud scream from my side. Struggling was futile agaisnt him; considering that he was much stronger than I could ever be. I felt him slide my night robe off my shoulders and kissing the exposed skin beneath the fabric. Horror settled in my stomach as he pulled at my underwear.

There weren't just going to be hungry kisses tonight.

I began to squirm under him, applying full force to push him away from me, but to no avail was I successful. He pinned me down to the bed and kissed my neck, moving up to my earlobe. The stench of strong alcohol was evident on his mouth when he kissed me.

"Robert, please don't do this. Please, please, please, Robert, please-- have mercy, please." A hot stream of tears ran down my face as I begged him for mercy. Ignoring my constant pleas, he finally took off my robe and looked at me with awe or lust; I couldn't quite understand.

"You're so beautiful, liebe." He said whilst I whimpered more and more with every passing minute. With those unmeaningful words, he attacked my body, making me scream in horror.

This wasn't the Robert I fell in love with.

~*~*~*~

Days, weeks, months, I don't know how long it had been since that horrible night. All I knew was that this had gotten out of hand. I could tolerate lustful, drunk kisses from him but this was a whole new level, forcing himself upon me was something I thought Robert would never do.

And he did exactly that.

My eyes had swollen, and my cheeks were tear strained from all the crying I had done in the past few days or weeks, honestly, I couldn't remember, nor did I want to. My brown hair was up in a mess and I had on an oversized shirt, covering my skin till mid thigh.

I can't even begin to imagine what would have happened if Clara was here, listening to her mother screaming at her father for mercy, begging for her life. That's why I had sent her over at my sister's place for some days, of course she was hesitant to leave me but eventually agreed, promising me that she'll come back over the weekend.

I didn't want her to come, I didn't want her to see me like this.

The more I thought about the incident that day, the harder I cried. Recalling all those events that I knew would haunt me forever now.

As I cried, the sound of the door opening and that quickly closing perked up my ears. Alarms went off on my head, my lips quivered and my hands shook a lot. "No, no, no, Robert please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me, no, plea--" I stopped uttering when I saw it wasn't Robert.

"Good Lord, what have you done to yourself?" A loud voice boomed in my ears. My sobs soon turned into muffled ones as I put a hand to my mouth, trying to reduce the pain and the numbness of it all. My eyes found gazing at a tall figure standing in the door frame; I made out a pair if bright green eyes and a mop of honey blond hair.

"Kristen," I uttered, picking up my numb and too weak body, I padded over to my older sister and three my arms around herself. The next I heard was soft cries in my ear, Kristen was crying even though she never did. She patted down my hair, running her long fingers through the mess and kissed my forehead.

"That's it, you're not staying here anymore. That man is a monster. I never knew he'd stoop this low to actually do this to you." She yelled in exasperation, tears pooling in her eyes. "I can't let you stay here, if we don't have our parents, doesn't mean you don't have anyone in the world. You have me, you have your daughter, you have Clarke and even the twins." She said, referring to her husband and her kids at the end.

I shook my head promptly at her.

No, no, no.

It was all that filled my mind then and there. I couldn't raise Clara alone, I needed the money from Robert to provide for her good education and other facilities -- I just couldn't leave him, for her sake.  No matter how much I had to endure, I knew I couldn't leave him. Clara needed a father and I had already made up my mind to let him torture me into gaining thid objective -- a better life for Clara.

"I can't go, Kristen." I started with a sob, yet again. "Clara, she--"

"Clarke and manage another child, don't worry about that. She's family, you're family." She smiled at me sadly, "Please, don't do this to yourself, leave him already. Look what he has done to you, Ara." She gave me a long onceover, making me squirm under her odd gaze.

It was like I was flawed all over my body, with no signs of beauty at all.

"You're beautiful." Closing my eyes, that was all I could think of, Oh Mats, what have you done to me?

"Ara, come to my house, at least you'll be saf--"

"No, please, I can't leave him." I said firmly. Standing up on my feet, I harshly rubbed my tear stained cheeks and then, my sore and puffy eyes, "If you really want to do something for me though, please, don't bring Clara home yet. She'll be so worried if she sees me like this."

With a longing look, I gazed into my sister's eyes, even though I was hurting, I didn't want it to affect anyone, not even her or Clara.

Strangely, not even Robert.