'Avi, you have to get dressed. We need to be at the studio in like an hour.' I climb off Kirstie's bed and collect my clothes off the floor. I take a last look at her perfect body before she gets redressed and then I walk into the lounge to find my hat and jacket. She can be surprisingly quick at getting ready when she wants to be so it only takes a couple of minutes before she's in the lounge with me, her fingers effortlessly twirling her hair into a messy braid. 'So you take your car and go now and then I'll leave in about fifteen minutes.' I nod happy with the plan. It's the best way to avoid the others suspecting anything. This is the fifth time in two weeks that we've had sex and if we'd turned up at rehearsals together that often when I live with Kevin there would probably be some questions.
See, Kirstie and I aren't considered to be that close within the group. If we ever split it usually ends up being the trio and then Kevin and me. We're obviously really good friends but the others would be surprised if we spent a significant amount of time just us. So we have to do our best to keep it hidden. No one knows what goes on between us and we're both pretty happy with that. I doubt the group reaction would be brilliant. It's not like it would be if we were a couple. Then they'd have to at least pretend to be happy for us. If they knew about this then Kevin would worry about me and Scott and Mitch would probably think I was taking advantage. There would be no reason for them to celebrate it.
We haven't planned when we'll next meet but I know we will. As long as we're both single this is what we do. If one of us starts getting involved with someone then we stop. There hasn't been anyone serious for me since Jess. Just a couple of girls who I saw for a few weeks. Kirstie's generally done a bit better. She was with Matt until the end of 2012 so over a year. Jess and I were only together for about 8 months. Kirstie's dated a couple of people since then as well but it's never really worked out. So here we are.
It happened for the first time during the sing-off. Before she was with Matt and I was with Jess. We'd met for the audition and then all spent some time together over the summer so we did know each other fairly well. We'd been having a group game of truth or dare and inevitably the topic of sex had arisen. We'd reached the point where we had almost no conversational filter. Where the unspoken agreement that nothing we said would leave the room made us relaxed enough to say things that we would never normally say. We were all talking about our first time. Mine, Scott's and Kevin's had been unremarkable and Mitch's had been non-existent but Kirstie looked uncomfortable.
'The thing is, I just wish I hadn't done it.' Scott and Mitch looked sympathetic but not as if it was new information. They were her best friends after all. She looked down at the floor before carrying on 'It was bad and uncomfortable and he was really pushy and I didn't enjoy it at all.' Kevin reached out to stroke her arm and then Scott pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead. 'Come on Kirst, I think it's time we all went to bed.' 'Avi, I'm just going to make a call I'll be back in like half an hour. I nodded as Kevin left the room and Scott and Mitch began to follow him. Before Kirstie could leave with them I grabbed her wrist. She flinched slightly and then turned to face me. 'Kirstie, can I talk to you for a moment?'
Scott and Mitch shut the door behind them and we were left alone for the first time since we'd met. 'What did you want to talk about?' 'I just wanted to make sure you were ok after truth or dare. You look a bit down.' She shrugged and looked at the floor again. 'You know it won't always be like that right Kirstie? It doesn't have to be.' 'In theory I guess. Problem is that all I think of when I think of sex is pain and discomfort and being scared and feeling used.' She looked like she was going to cry so I wrapped my arms around her and she laid her head on my chest. 'Well you never have to do anything if you don't want to.' 'I do want to though. I want to be able to have sex and enjoy it and for it to not get in the way of a relationship.' 'You will.' I said soothingly, rubbing her back in small circles.
'Let me walk you back to your room.' I suggested after we'd been standing in each other's arms for a few minutes. She smiled and nodded, wiping her eyes and I held out my hand for her to take. We walked in silence until we reached her door. 'What are you thinking?' I asked her as we stood, still holding hands. 'I was just thinking about what you said earlier about me having sex.' I squeezed her hand, encouraging her to continue. 'Maybe you're right, maybe what I need to do is have sex with someone who I know wouldn't hurt me or push me.' I tilted my head to the side and said 'You'll find the right person, don't worry.' She nodded and then breathed in as though trying to ready herself for something.
The next thing I was aware of was the feeling of her lips on mine. It was a slow, inquisitive kiss but somehow suggestive of what might happen. Her hand dropped mine and her arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me closer. I responded carefully, unsure of the right answer to the question her lips were asking. Her tongue grazed against my lip and my resolve weakened. I still remember the way she felt in my arms that day. The warm curves of her body, the soft waves of her hair. I kissed her more passionately and she moved her hands to tangle in my hair. I pushed her back against the door and slowly moved my mouth from hers.
For a moment we stood there breathing heavily without speaking. Her back was against the door and her hands were still in my hair. I could still taste a hint of the diet coke she'd been drinking earlier and the ends of her hair felt like silk where they brushed invisible patterns on my arms. 'Kirstie.' My voice was even deeper than normal and I felt her shiver against me at the sound of it. 'This isn't a good idea. You're feeling emotional right now and I don't want to do anything that you'll regret.' 'I want to have sex with someone who I know I can trust so that when I have a boyfriend I'm ready.' 'I know that's what you think you want but you should at least wait until you've had time to think about it.'
Her bottom lip wobbled slightly and she started turning away from me. 'Kirstie, this isn't because I don't find you attractive.' She turned back and looked me directly in the eyes. 'Really? Because if you don't then obviously that's fine. I just thought that you know maybe there was something there and it's not anything serious but I figured this would be better with someone who I was attracted to.' She noticed that she was babbling and took a breath. 'Avi, I want to do this with you. We don't need to be in a relationship because I don't think that's a good idea but I trust you and I find you attractive so if you're interested in having sex with me then the offer's there.'
It was clear that she felt vulnerable telling me so I wanted to make her feel more comfortable. 'I'm going to go back to my room now. Tomorrow evening we're going to make some kind of excuse to the others and then we're going to come here and talk about this properly. If it is what you want then I don't see anything wrong with it.' She smiled nervously and nodded at me 'Ok that's fine then. It's a date.' We both flinched slightly at the word and she shook her head. 'Not a date obviously but you know.' I laughed quietly and she joined in, putting her face in her hands to hide the blush that was developing. 'Anyway, goodnight Kirstie.' 'Night Avi.' 'And Kirstie, just for the record, I definitely do find you attractive.'
