A/N: Here it is finally! Sorry it's been so long, I'm totally back on track now. I have loads of ideas for flashbacks and then for the next part. Thanks for all the comments guys, it's been really helpful.
When the Yule Ball scene comes on and Hermione walks into shot Kirstie tenses and then sighs. The way she's pressed against me means that every movement she makes is amplified. 'Are you ok?' She sighs again 'Yeah I'm fine. I just kind of wish I had a Hermione moment like that.' 'What do you mean?' 'Like I just walk out in some beautiful dress and everyone suddenly realises how gorgeous I am.' It's hard to know what to say. As far as I can tell Kirstie's always been beautiful. She doesn't need a pretty dress and everyone's attention for that to be true. Or maybe she does. Not for me or for anyone else but for her. I sit up so that she's on my lap and turn her face to look at me.
'Kirstie, you know you're beautiful right?' She rolls her eyes at me 'I'm really not.' I sense that this is an argument that I'm not likely to win. 'I never really saw you as Hermione anyway. You're more like Ginny.' She tilts her head to one side 'Brave. Funny. Surrounded by guys all the time. Don't back down easily. Non-judgemental. Always ready to help out a friend.' I don't get to finish my sentence because she suddenly kisses me so passionately that it's hard to not fall backwards. 'You, Avi Kaplan, are the sweetest guy alive.' 'Shut up.' I reply and kiss her once more on the lips.
After a little while she falls asleep on top of me. I'm not going to be able to stay in this position for much longer so I decide to carry her to her bed. I gently slide myself out from under her and lift her up in my arms. She doesn't weigh all that much so it isn't too hard for me to take her to her room and lay her down on the bed. I kissed her forehead and whispered a goodbye. Before I managed to leave she groaned and grabbed my hand. 'Stay here.' 'What? I'm going to the bathroom and you're staying here.' 'While you go to the bathroom or?' I allow the sentence to hang in the air as I pass her the glasses that I placed on her bedside table. She puts on her glasses and kneels up to kiss me. Whilst I'm distracted by the feeling of her mouth she pulls me onto the bed and then climbs over me and walks to the door, moving her hair into a messy bun 'Don't even think about leaving.'
Half an hour later when she's asleep in my arms for the second time in two days, I have time to consider why she wanted me to stay. To think about the possibility that she might feel, if not the same, at least something for me. The thought makes my stomach swoop. About as much from fear as from excitement. I've toyed with the idea of telling her how I feel but never seriously. Because although there's the fantasy of her leaping into my arms and declaring that she feels the same and us riding off into the sunset, there's a whole load of other potential outcomes which are nowhere near as pleasant. We've been having sex on and off for two years and regularly for about a month. Yet it's only in the last couple of days that I've really been thinking about my feelings for her.
It's entirely probable that she doesn't feel the same way. She's always been a fairly cuddly person and she's pretty used to snuggling with all of us without it meaning anything. Maybe sleeping in my arms is just as platonic to her as the way that she and Scott cuddle up when we're having movie nights. Even if she did like me it wouldn't mean that things would be instantly perfect. It might be hard to move into being in a relationship, she might not even want another relationship. I always thought the others would be happy for us but Scott seemed like he just wanted me to get over it as soon as possible and Mitch seemed sad that I like Kirstie more than she likes me but that doesn't mean that he'd be happy if we actually were together. There are too many variables and the only thing I'm certain of is that I like her a lot more than I should and probably always have.
The first time it happened I woke up before her and looked down to where she was still asleep in my arms. Her golden brown hair spread across me and the pillow. She was cute when she slept. Her face had a slight frown on it that stopped her from looking completely peaceful but it was as if she was concentrating rather than upset. I shook her gently to wake her up. We didn't have long before Kevin woke up and I didn't want to just leave her without saying goodbye. Even if we weren't dating it didn't seem polite to have sex with someone for the first time and then just sneak off, especially since we were friends. 'Kirstie, Kirstie.' I said softly. She opened her eyes and her frown deepened for a moment in confusion as she registered who I was and why I was in bed with her. After a moment she smiled 'Your voice is even lower in the morning.'
I had to get back to my room so I hugged her goodbye and told her that we'd talk later. I spent the whole day thinking about the way her skin had felt against mine and the way her nails had dug into my back. Every time she laughed I was reminded of her moans and the way her eyes met mine more often than they had before left me feeling slightly dizzy. She texted me during lunch even though we were sat beside each other and told me to come to her room again tonight so we could talk. We were all tired after rehearsals so it wasn't too hard to make up excuses and sneak off to her room.
She had left about fifteen minutes ago and I was walking down the corridor to join her. As I walked I thought about what had happened the night before and what it meant. It had been good, really good. Probably better than it had been with anyone else. We weren't together though so I had to do my best to avoid getting attached. Maybe staying with her last night hadn't been the best idea. I knocked quietly on the door. She opened it and smiled at me, gesturing towards her bed.
We both sat down. 'So.' 'So.' I laughed and she blushed. 'Last night then.' She smirked 'yep.' I had no clue what the right thing to say was. 'Did you enjoy it?' I could feel myself blushing as I said it. 'You know because that was why we did it and everything.' She nodded 'Yeah I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it a lot.' 'Well that's good then. I guess we can count it as a success.' This time it was her turn to laugh. 'You're such a dork.' 'And you're incredibly rude.' She grinned at me 'Well I am sorry.' 'You should be.' I smirked back at her and then I leaned in towards her and felt her breath on my mouth.
I've decided to tell her. I'm up earlier than her today so I head into her kitchen to grab a drink. There isn't a lot of food in there today so I guess we'll have to have cereal. That might be for the best. It'll be easier if I can leave as soon as possible. I don't want her to feel pressured when I tell her. I know how I feel but I have to be ok with however she feels as well. I think either way it's probably best if we stop having sex. I can't treat it like it's meaningless anymore. Mitch and Scott knowing some of what's going on doesn't really help either. It makes it all a bit too real.
How long have I felt like this? It's hard to work out. Before she broke up with him I was jealous so I obviously liked her then. But before that? I have no idea. It's confusing and frustrating and it's getting in the way of my life. I haven't really been interested in anyone else in a long time. It's getting in the way of us being friends and I'm worried it's going to mess things up for the group if things carry on like this. They mean too much to me, she means too much to me for me to just pretend it's not happening.
A/N: Hopefully not too long until the next update.
