A/N: Hello again. So we're back in the present again and onto an important chapter. Not the most cheerful but enjoy I guess.
‘Hey you. Have you been up long?’ ‘Nah only about fifteen minutes.’ I reply as I hand her a mug of coffee. ‘Mmmm, that smells great. Thank you.’ She walks to take a seat at the table and I sit down in the one opposite. ‘Um Kirstie. I need to talk to you about something.’ ‘Go ahead.’ She smiles and takes a cautious sip of her coffee. ‘Well, I think we need to stop having sex.’ ‘Why? Have you met someone?’ Her expression is unreadable and it’s making me even more nervous. ‘No I haven’t’ ‘Well why then? Is it because Mitch knows?’ I shake my head. I just have to tell her. I can’t keep sidestepping the issue. Ok. Here goes.
‘It’s because I like you.’ She opens her mouth to speak ‘I really like you. I get jealous when another guy flirts with you. I think about holding your hand and taking you on dates. I almost constantly want to kiss you. I think about you pretty much every minute of the day and it’s too much.’ She looks shocked. She opens her mouth to speak again but I hold up my hand to stop her. ‘I can’t do it anymore. I can’t have sex with you and then pretend that there’s nothing going on. I especially can’t have you fall asleep in my arms and make me breakfast in my t-shirt. We’re acting like a couple and we’re not and it really fucking hurts Kirstie.’
I didn’t mean to sound angry. I’m not mad at her. I’m mad at myself for feeling this way. She looks scared. Actually scared. I didn’t mean to be so loud. ‘Kirstie. I’m not angry with you.’ I reach out to touch her arm and then pull away when she flinches ‘I’m just annoyed with myself.’ She takes a deep, shaky breath ‘Ok.’ ‘Ok. That’s it?’ So maybe I am a little mad at her, even if I have no right to be. ‘One of my best friends who I’ve been sleeping with for about two years just told me, completely unexpectedly, that he likes me. Ok is about all I can manage right now.’ Her voice isn’t any louder than normal but it’s harsh and a lot colder than I’m used to.
‘I think you should go.’ I nod. ‘You’re right. Can I just ask, do you think we’re going to talk about this properly at some point?’ She shrugs and sighs ‘Avi. I don’t know how I feel ok. It’s confusing. You’re right we have been acting like a couple but I have no clue how I feel about that.’ Frustration bubbles up inside me again ‘You seemed to enjoy it. Or were you just pretending so that you’d still have someone to have sex with?’ She glares at me and stands up ‘Why do you have to do this Avi? You’re the sweetest guy in the world and then I tell you I’m not sure if I feel the same way and you act like an asshole.’ ‘I’ve been dropping everything to have sex with you for two years and I put my heart on the line I at least deserve something in return.’ She puts her head in her hands and groans angrily and I worry that maybe I’m pushing her too hard. ‘Seriously? Like you didn’t get anything out of it.’ ‘You were the one who pretty much begged me to have sex with you that first time. It was always about you.’
We’re practically screaming at each other by this point and I start to lose track of what’s being said. She says something about me running off with Jess which is totally unfair and then I make a comment about the fact that she always chooses assholes. I feel weirdly detached from the whole situation. I’ve never seen her this angry before. ‘Avi I just don’t know ok. I don’t know how I feel about you. So leave me alone.’ There’s nothing I can say to that. I don’t know what to do so I just follow her advice and leave.
By the time I’m 10 minutes away I’m not mad anymore. Well I’m mad at myself but not at her. Of course she needs time to think. Just because I’ve been analysing every element of my feelings for her doesn’t mean that she’s been doing the same. There have been times when if she’d have sprung this on me I would have acted a thousand times worse. I want to drive straight back to speak to her but I know that’s not fair. I have to give her time. It isn’t even about wanting her to feel the same anymore it’s about not wanting her to hate me. Which wouldn’t be completely unreasonable of her at this point.
When I get back to the apartment Kevin grins at me. ‘Second night in a row you’ve not made it home.’ Once he notices that I’m not reacting the way I normally would his expression changes to one of concern. ‘Avi, are you ok?’ I decide to tell him. Not that it’s Kirstie. I can’t do that but I can tell him about it as if it’s some girl he doesn’t know. ‘Well I think I messed things up with this girl.’ ‘Oh man, that sucks. You wanna talk?’ I nod. ‘I guess I just got too serious too quickly. We’ve known each other for a while but the day before yesterday was the first time that it felt like we were almost a couple you know?’ ‘Yeah man. So why is that a bad thing?’ ‘Because I guess I’ve liked her for a while but she doesn’t see it as anything other than occasional sex. And I sort of put her under pressure to feel the same way and then yelled at her and she got upset.’
Kevin shakes his head. ‘You’re my best friend but that was kind of an asshole move on your part. Had you been sleeping together for a while?’ His choice of words makes me wince but I answer anyway ‘Yeah. A couple of years on and off.’ ‘And was it always just sex?’ I nod, knowing this makes me look like an idiot. ‘I just want more than that and I don’t think she does.’ ‘Well that’s a shame. You really need to apologise though.’ I sigh and run my hands through my hair ‘I know. I’m going to leave her alone for a bit though.’
A/N: so there we go. Not sure when the next chapter will be up but I have it about half written so it shouldn't be too long.
