Keith
I had that same goddamn nightmare again.
I tried to stop myself from screaming, but I ended up letting it out anyways.
Shit.
I silently prayed that Lance hadn't heard it, or anyone for that matter, and laid back down, pulling my blankets over my head.
And then my door opened.
"Keith..? Buddy? My man? You awake?" I heard Lance whisper.
I stayed silent.
"Damn, am I just hearing things, or..?" He muttered to himself.
I sighed quietly, before mumbling, "No, you're not," and sitting up.
"Keith, are you alright?" He asked, sitting down next to me like the night before.
"No," I shook my head. Then I remembered how I was going to have to lie to him. "Just.. had a bad dream, is all."
Lance
My face lit up ever so slightly. "What was it about? Did it... help you remember anything?"
He shook his head. "It, um.. it was about when my mom left me and my dad."
I froze, my heart aching for him. "Oh, Keith, I'm so sorry," I pulled him into a hug, and there was a pause before he wrapped his arms around me tightly.
"Don't be. You weren't the one who abandoned me."
"Keith, I just want you to know that if there's anything I can do for you, I'll do it. I swear. I... I want us to be friends. I really, really do."
Maybe a little more.
No. I've gotta stop thinking like that...
"Me too," he nodded. "I just think I need to be alone right now is all."
"Okay. I'll see you in the morning?" I smiled sympathetically.
"Definitely," he nodded.
Keith
I hated it.
That look on his face.
That look I've been given countless times.
The sympathetic smile, the 'apologetic' look in his eyes.
I'd seen it all.
Too many times.
I hated it.
That wasn't even what my nightmare was about. Why did I say that? Because it's the first thing that popped into my mind? Because it's always the first thing that pops into my mind?
Because I can't stand that she just up and left? Because I never got to meet her, and I can only imagine what she looked like? Because I don't even know if my own goddamn mother is alive?
I muffled a groan with my pillow and flopped back, trying to fall asleep again. But the only thing I could think about was the guilt I carried from lying to my team.
It sucked.
It sucked lying to Hunk. How sympathetic he was when I woke up, and gentle he was with me.
It sucked lying to Coran. The wild stories he'd tell just to fill the void of lack of conversation at the table. Because I made it awkward. Because I lied.
It sucked lying to Allura. The way she treats me now, tiptoeing around me like if she does something wrong I'll snap.
It sucked lying to Pidge. How she constantly scans through the data and compares it from when I was in the pod, that one time she forced all of us to let her run tests, and now. How she doesn't get any sleep, and it's all because I lied.
It sucked lying to Shiro. He wants to talk to me about the Galra tech, I can tell, but he treats me as if I'm fragile and could break at any moment.
It sucked lying to Lance. He didn't do any of that. But it just wasn't the same. We couldn't move forward in our relationship- our friendship- because of me. We couldn't talk about our experiences, and the whole team is unable to figure out any of Lotor's weaknesses because they all cut off the idea of discussing that time, at least in front of me. Because. I. Lied.
How much longer can I keep this up?
Pidge
When I heard the screaming again, I already knew Lance was going to go comfort him. Shiro's head snapped up when he heard it. "Was that Keith again?"
"Yep."
"Are you going to do anything about it?"
"Nope."
"Why not?"
"Well, Takashi," I took his hand and pulled him off my bed, opening the door just a crack in time to see Lance making his way down the hall to Keith's room. "I think Lance's got it covered."
"Figures. I always knew they were gay. Keith talks about him a lot, you know. Or at least, he used to. Now he's kinda distant."
"I'm sorry, Shiro," I frowned.
"Don't be. It's not your fault."
"Well, yeah, but-"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"Let's go to bed, okay?"
"But I need to finish-"
"Pidge."
"Yeah, okay."
