Loving Laurel Animals MC book 6

Chapter Eleven

Laurel sat at the kitchen table with her mother, peeling potatoes as her mom kneaded bread for dinner. Something about the old ritual of making dinner the old fashioned way with her mother always settled all her stress.

Ivan was somewhere with her father outside, probably working on the old lawnmower her father insisted could be saved.

"It's so nice to have you and Ivan at home," Her mother said.

"It's nice to be home."

They worked in silence for a bit longer before her mother spoke again.

"Why don't you move back?"

"Because Mom, it's not that simple. Ivan has a job and so do I and...we just can't."

"I just miss you, I wish I could see you more. I love your brother but he's not settling down anytime soon and your sister has such beautiful children, I want to see your children too."

"Mama, I love you but...babies just aren't in the cards right now for me and Ivan."

"Maybe not now but eventually, I know how badly you want children."

"I used to but things change...I've changed."

"Not so much."

"More than you know and Ivan has changed and I just...I don't see kids in the future," She said softly.

"Is there something going on? you know you can tell me," Her mother said, looking at her and pausing in the dough she was kneading.

"No, nothing is going on."

"You and Ivan just don't seem quite like yourselves, not the way I remember you two."

"Well, we've been through a lot with Ezra and everything." Laurel made a dismissive motion with the knife in her hand.

"No, it's not just that you two seem distant. Is there something you need to tell me?" her mother pressed just a little.

"No."

"Laurel, do you still love that man?" her mother asked, finally stopping altogether with her kneading and leaning against the counter with one hip.

Laurel took a deep breath setting her knife down with suddenly shaking hands. She stood and pushed a hand through her long blonde hair, moving to the sink she began washing her hands.

"Laurel..."

"Yeah, I do. I still love him."

Her mom smiled warmly at her and Laurel hung her head, she wished she could tell her mom the truth, wished she could explain what was going on but she didn't she pushed it down deep and forced a smile back.

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After dinner Laurels parents went to bingo like they did every Wednesday since they were married which left Laurel alone with Ivan.

It was more comfortable alone than it was when her parents were there, alone she didn't have to pretend anymore.

She made herself a cup of tea and was sitting on her parent's porch when Ivan came out, she was sitting on the wide railing and he took a seat next to her.

"It's a nice night tonight," He commented.

"Yeah it is, thank you for helping daddy today."

"That old lawnmower has been on its last legs for the past ten years," He said with a laugh.

"I appreciate it."

"I miss being here, with your family. I miss my family, I miss being a part of something bigger."

"Your dad is still around and you know you can come back with me anytime." She pointed out.

"Nah, it's too hard pretending to be something we're not, something we won't be again."

She smiled softly and stared into the cup between her hands, he was right they were different people now. She took a small sip of the tea letting it burn down her throat.

"When this is over, you have to set them all straight Laurel. I don't mind being here and helping you out but I can't do it again."

"I know."

"I'm going to go into town tomorrow and pick up a suit for the wedding."

"That's a good idea," She said with a small sigh.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, leaning close and placing a hand on her thigh.

"No."

"Did I do something? You seem...off, since this afternoon."

"I'm just learning a lot about myself since we came back, stuff I thought I was over."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No, there's not just it's something I have to learn to deal with on my own."

"Okay, I'm going to have a shower and hit the hay."

He stood stretching his arms above his head and cracking his back, she watched him for a minute. A few weeks ago she had been worried about him, worried that he may try to kill himself over Ezra or drink himself to death today he seemed almost back to his old self again.

"I'll be up in a little bit," she said.

"Take your time."

She watched him disappear inside the house and could hear his heavy footsteps up the stairs. The truth was she was putting off going upstairs, putting off going into that bedroom, into that bed with him.

Since their divorce and mutual agreement to remain friends there had been at least a dozen times where one of them would be drunk, desperate, lonely or all three and try to convince the other to sleep with them. They both took turns being the voice of reason but lately that curse had fallen on her, and laying in bed with him night after night made it difficult for her to stick to her resolve.

Her parents wouldn't be home for hours so she couldn't pretend she was waiting for them.

With a tired sigh she stood and went inside, placing her cup gently in the sink she ascended the stairs hoping that Ivan would be asleep by the time she got there.