crimes.

Lucas.

Lucas;

           "All I'll never know is
                     if you want me."

         - Birdy, All You Never Say

    My heart was crushed, my head was empty, my tongue was twisted, and tears scratched themselves at the back of my throat. The sticky note was stuck to the tip of pointer finger and all I could do was scan it over and over again. But soon the grey clouds stretched their ways over me and let the rain ruin the ink on the small piece of paper. All I could do at this point was watch it deteriorate in my hands as my tears camouflaged themselves in the rain.

   With the sun hidden behind the drenching clouds, I decided that before it went down I should return home. My clothes were now soaked and my hair wouldn't stay up, making me look like an idiot. My eyes were red from crying and my throat was sore. All I could think of was how bad her throat felt now.

   Only cars zoomed by as I walked along the side of the empty roads. I swear she lived out in the middle of nowhere. I didn't understand why, though. Why I kept thinking of her when she completely hated me. Why I kept mentioning her with every thought that crossed my mind. I was never like this before. Only now, when she hates my guts, is when I've realized that I liked her.

    Now I understand the movies, the books, and everything else involving cliche type of plot lines. Where the boy only finds out his be loving likeness for a girl when she's gone. I always found them completely and utterly untruthful, but then again I was never in a relationship before. Not even with Anna.

    Her name carved itself into my soul. With a sharp knife, her voice whispered as she did her sweet cursive into my bones. The sound of her humming echoed throughout my body. Running from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. The tingle of nails crawling up my spine made me jitter alone on the sidewalk. Something quite strange since no girl ever made me feel such a way. And I hated it.

     I hate her. I hated myself. I hated my life. I hated absolutely everything at the moment. It was the worst thing to ever happen to me at this point. I felt my knees going weak as I walked farther and farther, going the total opposite ways then my own house. Since she didn't want to see me anymore, I thought that I should probably leave away my mother as well since she seemed so much happier without me.

     So I took turns beyond turns. Passed ten cars and ended up crawling my way through a forest. That's where I found a tunnel, not deep enough to be too dark, but tall enough for me to fit. Since I felt like exploring, I adventured my through it. As I came to the end, I found cravings of flowers and girls sketched into the dried up mud. The two girl's hands connected together, smiling.

     I brushed away the new founding dirt covering up the lettering only to find arrows with names on them. Anna and Matilda is what they read. I bit my lip and looked down at the ground, only imagining how bad I would feel if I made a girl kill herself.

     I walked my way out of the cave and back out into the rain, wiping away the visible tears. Fighting back any other tears, I began to walk my way out of the forest. Pushing away branches growing from the pine and oak trees, I could see a road.

    It was strange walking towards it. With each step it seemed to get further and further away. My head was beginning to feel dizzy and my eyes began to become unfocused. Stumbling my way to the road, that seemed so difficult to get to, I ended up falling to my hands. Moving my hand forward, I felt the pavement underneath my hand.

    It was soggy and wet. The rocks kicked up from tires and other roads felt sharp as I pressed my palm against them. It began to feel hard to breathe. My eyes were still unfocused, but it seemed hard to keep my eyes open. It was weird to hallucinate at a time like this and I kept trying to shake it away. But it just wouldn't leave.

   Looking my way up, I found a car travelling closer and closer. I felt the urge to get up and run for the side of the road, but there was one reason why I didn't. Not because of my mother or my father or my useless life.

    It was because Anna didn't need me anymore.

    And I wonder why I couldn't remember my fathers saying before he left me and my mother. As the car got closer and closer though, I realized it was all because Anna was an illusion. She was supposed to help me and not be anything more than a friend. I took it too far and I tried too hard.

              She didn't want me. Anna didn't like me.
              It was all an illusion.

                                 "Never, ever rely on a woman, Lucas. You'll regret it forever."

===========================

a/n no more gifs or dedications anymore
bc we only have two chapters
left.

and then we havethe sequel

but trust me
you dont want it

- A