Naked Tracy's Adventures in Madnessland

Naked Tracy Goes to the Farm

"What the fuck?" Naked Tracy blubbered as she opened her diary for the current time. Her diary was made of whale blubber. "I did the porn thing last week. These entries are all out of order!"

Naked Tracy's Motherfucking Diary had a new header on each page, one for each of her adventures. Right now she'd had about half the adventures listed, but there was one problem.

"School, space, that fucking snow day, the bitch of a trip to Europe, time travelling, fucking over the KGB, working with my main fucker Spot, the awesome as shit museum, and then I should have gone to a farm next. Then run a newsroom, then give Stacy the porno. Why is my timeline messed up? What the fuck is going on?"

What the fuck was going on was that somehow, some little shit had fucked up her adventure schedule.

"Probably to keep me from going to the farm," she wailed, thrashing about and damaging a few antiques nearby. "I'll have to go there this fucking instant," she insisted to herself, "to make sure I can find out what the shit is going on here."

Who could have fucked things up for her like this? How? It boggled the imagination. "Stacy!" She shouted. "I'm going to your cousin's farm!"

Stacy wasn't nearby, of course; Naked Tracy was living in a cave in Mount Fuji this week. So Naked Tracy repeated herself, yelling over space and time so she could be sure that Stacy heard, had heard, and would always hear that. It was super chill, and a power she had just discovered she had when she said it. Fucking sweet.

Naked Tracy went to Stacy's cousin's farm. "Hey Stacy's cousin!" She blathered brightly, smiling and bubbling with fake joy. She had to look happy, so nobody noticed that she was searching for a fucker. Fuckers were nefarious and clever, so you had to be careful getting your revenge on them.

"Naked Tracy, it's great to see you!" Stacy's cousin stepped out of some kind of barn type shit, and gave her a big hug. "What is up my doge? I thought you were going to come here last week on your adventure, because of how your diary chronicles all your future adventures with its headers."

"Yeah," Naked Tracy said, writing in Stacy's cousin's grip. "Someone fucked things up and I went on a different adventure that week."

"Shit," said Stacy's cousin, still constricting Naked Tracy in a hug. "Which one?"

"The one with the porn," Naked Tracy said.

"Fuck," Stacy's cousin said. "I wanted to see that one but you did it already."

"Yeah," said Naked Tracy, "I did it already. I can only assume whoever fucked me over fucked me over so I couldn't come here so I came here to fuck over the fucker who fucked me over so that I won't be fucked over again."

"Rad," said Stacy's cousin, finally ending the hug by biting off Stacy's cousin's arms. They grew back though, so it was cool.

"Yeah it's a pretty chill plan," Naked Tracy said, picking up Stacy's cousin's arms. You could never be sure when you would need some extra fucking arms. "Show me where the fucker is!"

"I don't know!" said Stacy's cousin, looking around for any signs of fuckery. "I wasn't looking until you told me there was a fucker about. This is serious business."

"You bet it bitch," said Naked Tracy, hoping she could find the fucker before she got fucked over again. "HEY FUCKER." SHE SHOUTED. "COME OUT SO WE CAN KILL YOUR SHIT."

"No," called a voice from far off, "You'll never kill my shit!"

Naked Tracy and Stacy's cousin ran off toward the voice, crossing mountains and valleys and cats and oceans to get there. Finally, they found the fucker.

"Are you the fucker?" Stacy's cousin asked.

"That's the fucker," Naked Tracy confirmed. "Bitch."

The fucker turned around and pulled down a hood, revealing...

"You!" Naked Tracy shouted.

"You!" Stacy's cousin shrieked.

"Yes," said the unmasked fucker, "It is I! Your greatest nemesis, Naked Tracy! I will fuck you over and destroy you, for what you did to me in one of your previous adventures!"

"No," said Naked Tracy, thinking back to the adventure. "Fucking continuity. I will kill you now so you cannot become a recurring villain. Only Stacy has that right."

"What about me?" Stacy's cousin asked.

Naked Tracy suffocated Stacy's cousin by shoving one of Stacy's cousin's old arms down Stacy's cousin's throat. "Only Stacy, Stacy's cousin. Behave."

"Sorry," Stacy's cousin apologized, muffled by Stacy's cousin's old arm.

Naked Tracy began to glow, and her muscles bulged, growing into her Final Form. "Now I am Naked Tracy Supreme," she declared. "Behold, me!" She waved her arms maniacally, indicating that something should be beheld. She also added in a few wordless howls, just so everyone would get the hint. "I AM ME!"

Everyone just kinda looked at her, since they'd all forgotten where the story was going at this point. The fucker took a few steps back, as though trying to take the opportunity to escape the glory of Naked Tracy Supreme.

"TOO LATE" Naked Tracy Supreme announced, throwing a something bad at the fucker.

"Oh shit!" Shouted the fucker. "You got me!" The fucker exploded in a blast of barbeque sauce and sadness. Everything was good, and it was a great fucking ending, despite the fact that seriously by this point nobody had the slightest damn idea what the shit was going on.