Naked Tracy's Adventures in Madnessland

Naked Tracy Goes to the Library (Guest written)

  "I'M HERE BITCHES" Naked Tracy crowed, paragliding through the domed libraryceiling. Broken glass snowed down onto the rows of shelves and terrified patrons. It wascool as shit.

A woman huddled under the circulation desk. She had fat hands, tiny glasses and animpressive quivering chin. "Do you have any books on beaver mutilation or taxidermy?"Naked Tracy demanded politely. "I've got a craving."

Her stomach roared, and she burped, splattering acid into the woman's face.

"Fuck." Naked Tracy said. Some worms crawled out of a book and she ate one.

"No swearing in the library!"

"Sure thing bitch." Naked Tracy smiled, to show she wasn't scary. Her teeth gleamedwith worm slime. Stacy's mom was a library or a post office or something. That jobdemanded respect.

"Your hair is amazing" a whittled old crone whispered from the corner. She whipped outher phone and snapped a photo.

"Awww, thanks you old fucker." Naked Tracy blushed. She watered it daily. "I got it onsale." She stuck another paperclip inside it among the snakes and neon braids. "So whereare those books? Beavers aren't going to mutilate themselves. You throw one house partyand those crazy bastards think they can chew through the cocaine piano."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," the librarian said. "You need help."

"Well fucking duh. That's why I'm here!"

Suddenly a seven foot tall guy named Mike burst in. "Eyy sexy mama!" he boomed atNaked Tracy. His voice shattered a few eardrums. He clutched a bazooka in his meatyhands like a bouquet. "I've got what you need."

"Eyy, Mike!" Naked Tracy threw an encyclopedia tenderly at his temple. She'd nevermet him before but she knew by his huge weapon that he was very emoji. She tucked thebazooka under her arm like a tiny dog. "Let's blow those beaver bitches!" With that, shebusted out of there on epic moon shoes and flew into the sun.