Zugzwang

Chapter 8

I woke up to the feeling of a sharp pain shoot through my head. I winced and kept my eyes shut tightly. I heard yelling from outside my bedroom door. All I remember, from however many hours ago, was the men fighting.

It got quiet outside and then Scott came into my room, shutting the door lightly. He sat on the floor beside my bed. “How you doing, little sis?” He tried to smile but just sighed. I could see the pain in his red eyes. It was obvious he had been crying.

“I’m just in pain, Scott.” I put my hand on his shoulder. I was trying to think of something else to say but nothing came to my mind.

“I’ll tell Nick to get you Vicodin.”

“He’s here?” I shot up from the bed quickly. The head rush caused me to lose my balance and almost fall. I gripped onto Scott as quick as I can.

“Ow!” He yelled, playfully.

            I giggled softly and smiled. I looked down at my sweats and pulled them up, revealing a large bandage on my knee.

            “You scrapped your knee when you were running.” Nick mumbled, leaning against the door frame of my room with a pill in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. I frowned and took the pill without water.

            I turned back to Scott and pulled him in an embrace. I whispered, “Can I talk to Nick in private, Scott?”

            “Sure thing, Anna. And the guys are coming over soon so if you want to lock your door, that’s fine. Just try to keep the topic of this from mom.”

            Scott walked out and I shut the door, locking it quietly. “Nick, what happened?” I crossed my arms and sat on my bed.

            “I told you to stay away from me. You’ll end up getting more hurt and I don’t want that.” Nick spoke softly but refused to look at me. He sat down beside me and put his hands in his lap. “I warned you. I’m no good for you.” He said without showing a hint of emotion.

            I tried to grab his hand but he pulled away. “Your brother warned me before I left. But I chose not to listen because I want to figure you out. I want you to let me figure you out, Nick. You keep your walls built so high above your head that no one can get through. Bring your walls down for me and I may understand why you don’t want to be with me.” I tried not to get emotional and keep a stern tone.

            Nick raised his eyebrows and let his hands turn to fists. “I told you yesterday, love. You know how I feel. You know that I want you. But there are some things I can’t say.”

            I can’t believe he’s doing this. Does he not realize that I’m not the type of person to but in effort to get to know someone? I couldn’t control my anger and started yelling. “How could you constantly push me away like I’m nothing then tell me you want me? You confuse me, Nick! Some days, I think you like me and want to talk. Other days you seem like you can’t even see me.” I stood up and started pacing to calm myself down.

            Nick took a few deep breaths before talking. He spoke in a gently voice and said, “I don’t know how many times you want me to repeat this to you. I’m protecting you. I’m not a good person to be around and I’ll bring you into a lot of trouble and it’ll hurt the both of us. I mean, look at you now. We haven’t even been friends for more than a month and I’ve caused this upon you.” He motioned to my body which had small scratches from what I assumed was from my body skidding onto the gravel. I just stood there in silence. I was completely speechless.