Zugzwang

Chapter 15

            “I don’t know what I can do to help, but I want to. I want to help and make things right. I can’t just sit here and watch the world go by; knowing him and all of you could get hurt. You guys have embedded yourselves into my life and I knowing I can’t help you kind of hurts me.” I walked beside Hunter on the sidewalk, walking to the beat of the music playing on the phone in my pocket. It’s been a week since the Gabriel and Nick have stayed over.
        “I know you want to help, beautiful, and normally I would let you but unless you can emotionally detach yourself from everyone you love.” Hunter chuckled lightly and smiled at me. It was a warm smile. “We have all learned to love you and if they hurt you it would hurt any of us, especially Nick. When this all blows over, and I hope it does soon, everything will go back to normal for you. You just have to hang in there.” His voice was calm, as always. I looked over at him to see him looking at me. His hands were in his jean pockets and his curly hair was away from his face. His grey eyes shined in the light.
        “I want to help. I’m not going to sit here and do nothing, Hunter. I refuse to do nothing.” I put my hands on my hips and stopped walking. “I will help, Hunter Ryder. And if you can’t accept that, then I’ll go to Gabriel about it. He’ll listen to me.”
        Hunter chuckled lightly. “You are so caring for others I could just kiss you right now.” He put his hand on my cheek and smiled. I blushed lightly, wondering how Hunter’s lips would feel like against mine. “But I won’t because I love Nick and Nick loves you.” He placed his lips on my forehead and I smiled. “And Gabriel would agree with me that you cannot interfere with this.”
        “You have to let me help you all in some way.” I looked up at Hunter with a weak smile and sighed when he didn’t reply. I wanted to help somehow. And I’m not sure if I want things to be normal again.
        “Just make sure Nick is at his best.” Hunter smiled. Hunter and Nick had that smile that could make the rest of the room smile.
        I nodded and we continued walking. The past week, the gang’s been walking in and out of the house. One of the days, everyone was out of the house. The next day, one of the guys checked the entire house to see if there were any hidden cameras or anything like that. I don’t think I realized how dangerous the sweater vests were and I think I would find out when they risked my life or killed someone I love. I don’t want that.
        We arrived at the park where Gabriel and Scott were. Neither of them saw us coming so Hunter had the idea of sneaking up behind Gabriel. When Hunter charged at Gabriel, Gabriel just elbowed Hunter in the stomach, sending him to the ground. Gabriel, Scott, and I broke out laughing. “You always have to be on guard. Plus, I could hear Anna’s music from a mile away.” Gabriel said with a smirk on his face.
        Hunter groaned and stood up from the ground. “Asshat.” He mumbled, shoving Gabriel.
        I walked over to Scott who was sitting on the bench of a wooden table. I haven’t been able to talk to Scott one on one in a while. “So how are things going?” I asked.
        Scott smiled and took a sip of the beer he had in his hands. “It’s been going good. Gabriel’s been fun. I’m guessing you and Nick are having fun.” He winked and nudged me.
        I let out a giggle and blushed. Nick and I haven’t done anything. I’ve been sticking to a lot of school work. When I hang out with other friends, Nick has a guy standing nearby watching. Nick says I’ll know it’s him because he’ll be wearing a suit. When the man and I meet eyes, I’ll smile lightly and he’ll nod. I’ve never seen him at the house but I’ll see him when I’m not with Nick or any of the other guys. “So, what do you and Gabriel normally do?” I asked, avoiding his statement.
        “Drink and play video games mostly. Gabriel won’t have more than two beers but I guess I understand.” Scott rolled his eyes playfully and put his arm around my shoulder. “But the lack of parties is starting to affect my mojo.”
        I laughed and took the beer from his hands. “Nightly parties are going to affect your liver so it’s good you’re away from all of it.” Honestly, I was glad Scott couldn’t go to parties. He was always with women and one day he was going to get the clap.
        “And I’m glad my little sister is no longer going to parties and coming home the next morning without her panties.” Scott snatched the beer from my hands and smiled evilly.
        “Whatever.” I rolled my eyes and looked up at the other guys. Hunter and Gabriel stopped their brawl and were standing a few yards away, talking.
        Hunter met my eyes and smiled, waving inconspicuously. I smiled back and turned back to Scott who was staring at me with a smirk on his face. “What’re you going to do?” He asked.
        “What’re you talking about, Scott?” I looked at him confused.
        “It’s pretty obvious that when Hunter’s around you, he’s a little more laid back, and Nick’s head of heels for you. It seems like you have the Ryder’s wrapped around your fingers.”
        I laughed. “Shut up, you’re wrong. He’s just being protective, like you should be!” I playfully shoved Scott off the bench, spilling the remains of his beer.
        “You know it’s true, deep down.” He stood up and went to throw out the bottle.
        “What’s true?” Hunter asked, walking over to the bench with Gabriel.
        I laughed and shook my head. “Nothing, just a little joke.”
Hunter nodded and sat across from me. Gabriel sat beside him. “Don’t be a liar.” He chuckled and lightly kicked my foot under the bench.
        “I am not!” I yelled defensively and kicked him back. Hunter’s grey eyes shined in the sunlight.
Hunter rolled his eyes and smiled. “Sure, sure.”
        “Okay, love birds, calm down.” Scott laughed.
        “Okay lady and gents! I have a plan for the day.” Gabriel stood on the wooden table and put one hand behind his back; his other hand counted. “One,” He raised a finger. “We will get ourselves some drinks.” A smile crossed his face. “Two,” He continued. “We get monumentally fucked up.” He jumped down onto the bench and wrapped an arm around Hunter. “Three, the boys and I hopefully get laid.” They all smiled.
        “What about me!” I yelled, crossing my arms and giving Gabriel a fake exasperated look.
        “Well,” Scott nudged me. “You do have Nick.” He winked. I rolled my eyes and blushed at the thought of Nick.
        “Somebody is blushing!” Gabriel yelled, pointing at me.
        I quickly scanned Hunter’s face to see his reaction. Nothing. A little part of me hoped he liked me, although I know I couldn’t have him. Also, I felt stronger for Nick. Maybe I’m just so used to all the guys on their knees; it was weird for them not to be.
        I stood up and walked away from the boys who were talking about parties. I kicked the wood chips of the playground and walked to the swings. The park was filled with kids and their parents on the benches the surrounded the playground. I looked around at all the kids who were having fun with their friends and toys. I hoped none of them were going to grow up and live a life like me.
        “Hey.” Hunter sat on the swing beside me and looked what I was looking at.
        “Hey.” I looked up at him for a moment. His hair was a little messy but the way it was on his head, it made his jaw line more prominent.
        “Why’d you leave?” He asked, swinging slowly.
        “I left because I wanted to be alone.” I said bitterly. I didn’t mean it to sound rude but it was true.
        “Oh. Should I leave?” He stood up.
        “No, it’s fine.” I smiled softly and kept looking at the playground.
        “Good. I like being with you.”
        I let out a sarcastic laugh and looked over at him. “Why?”
        “Don’t sound so shocked, missy. You’re actually a calming person to be around. I can really see why Nick has taken such a big interest in you. You also never gave up on him when he shoved you as far back as possible.” Hunter smiled and took a step closer to me. I wasn’t swinging but I wanted to.
        “I was determined.” I smiled softly. Thinking back to it, my goal was just to get him to kiss me and use him but now I wanted more than that. I want him. I want his everything. I want him to be mine and me to be his. But with everything going on with whatever they do in the gang things, I don’t think that’s going to happen.
        “What did you want from him?” Hunter snapped me out of my daydream. I know I couldn’t tell him the truth. He’s Nick’s older brother. And that’d make me seem so shallow.
        “It doesn’t matter anymore.” I smiled weakly.
        “Did you get what you want?” Hunter looked at me and took another step closer.
        I nodded slowly.
        “Do you really like him?” I looked at Hunter with shock.
        How could he ask me that? What kind of audacity is this? “Are you being serious right now?” I stood up from the swing and crossed my arms.
        “Yes, I am.” Hunter’s body tensed and he looked straight through my eyes and into my soul.
        “I more than like him, Hunter.” I sneered. I shot back the same look he was giving me.
        “Good.” He said and started to walk away.
        Before he could get out of my reach, I grabbed his upper arm. “Wait! What gave you the need to randomly interrogate me?” I looked at him with interest.
        “I want to keep my little brother safe. Just as he wants to keep you safe.” He smiled and walked off.
        “Let’s get wasted!” I heard Scott yell and lift his fist in the air. I couldn’t help but smile at him although he wasn’t looking at me.
 
 
        “You’re all drunk!” Nick yelled as he stumbled onto the couch. Scott invited some of his female friends over and they were drinking too. Out of all of us, I had the least amount of vodka. I wanted to stay sober enough to remember what the boys were like drunk. Gabriel and Scott went right to the ladies. Hunter and Nick kind of just sat there and made fools of each other. They were being extremely playful and childish. It was hilarious.
        I was enjoying my time until the house phone rang. “Hello?” I asked. I didn’t check to see who was on the other line and it was too late once you answered the call.
        “I’m going to need to ask a favor from you, missy.” The man on the other line said. His voice was slurred but I could still tell exactly who it was.
        “Is everything okay?” I took the phone and went in the other room. Everyone else was too busy to notice me leave.
        “I need you to come here pleaseee.” He whined. ”I can’t exactly find my car but I’m outside the bar on route 17.” His voice was sloshed. I sighed deeply and hung up. I grabbed the keys to Scott and I’s car and put on shoes.
        “Where are you going, love?” Nick came up behind me.
        I jumped slightly and turned around. “I’m just going for a drive. I have a friend who needs me right now.”
        I opened the door to leave but Nick grabbed my hand. “I need to come with you, you know.”
        “I can do this myself, Nick.” I kissed his cheek. “Don’t worry about me.”
        “Okay, be safe, love. Don’t forget I love you.” I completely froze. What? 
        “I’ll be safe.” I forced out of my mouth before I quickly left and ran to the car.
        I couldn’t stop thinking about it on the ride to the bar. What kind of love does he feel towards me? Is it like the love of a sister? No, it can’t be, unless he’s into kissing family. Does he love me as a friend? Whoa, major friend zoning there. I don’t think so. Does he love me in the way that he just cares for me? Or, what I hope to be true, is he in love with me?
        I pulled up to the bar and parked in the parking lot. Why would they put a bar on the highway? What degree of sadism can a person be to want that? There weren’t many drunken driving accidents on this highway but there could be with the help of this bar.
        There was no one outside of the bar so my only other option was to go inside. I had never been inside a bar that wasn’t a restaurant bar. The exact person I was looking for caught my eye immediately. His glazed green eyes were sitting at a table and he was talking to a woman who wore too much eye makeup and could’ve been in the circus.
        I walked over to the table he was sitting at and stood there. “You rang?” I asked. The lady took a long glance at me in my sweats and tee shirt and walked away.
        “Yes!” He tried standing but I held out my hand to balance him. “I need you to drive me home. You see, I’m not exactly able.” He smiled innocently.
        “Come with me, Chris.” I said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. There was no point since he was 6ft and I was merely 5’4ft.
        I opened the car door for him and shoved him in the back seat. I started the car and drove onto the highway. “Turn on some hot jams.” He laughed at his own words and lay in the back seat. I turned on the radio and kept driving.
        As time passed by, I noticed him being strangely quiet. “Is everything okay?” I asked.
        I heard a ruffling come from the back followed by a mumbled, “No.” I took our exit and stayed silent, assuming he would continue.
        The car ride to his house was silent except for the music. Once every few minutes I would hear him sniffle. When I parked outside his house, there were no other cars in the driveway. “Are you ready?” I asked, looking in the back seat. Before I could fully turn, he was out of the car and standing by the door, patting his pockets to find his keys.
        When he finally pulled his keys out of his picket, I snatched them from his hands and opened the door. His key ring had a lot of keys but I knew it was the third golden key. I had seen him put it in a lot of times. “Thank you.” He mumbled barely audible.
        I smiled softly and opened the door for him. I wanted to stay but I didn’t want to be unwanted in his home. “Are you going to be okay here?” I stood by the door as Chris kicked off his shoes.
        “Do you not realize what day it is or have you stopped caring?” He asked, looking down at me with his puffy eyes.
        I shut the front door and sat on the couch. “What are you talking about?” I had to think about it for a moment but then it slapped me across the face as hard as anything could.
        Although he was drunk, Chris could see the realization on my face and sat down beside me. How could I possibly forget? Have I been too preoccupied with Nick and everyone to remember this date?