TRANS RANTS

its the pain time

I hate everything

I'm moody and hungry

But like-- don't touch me

I don't want hugs unless you're mu girlfriend or my wife or my son or my daughter or life support.

Other wise don't touch me.

I want vanilla ice cream and a heat pack.

UGH I hate life why couldn't I have been born biologically male.

I've eaten so much today and I've been moody to my friends.

And at lunch I dropped my bag and sat near Agnes and blamed it on being tired. Hell no I just hate cramps

Wy can't it just not??? If labour hurts more than this count me out. I didn't want to have my own baby anyway- ew yucky. It'll mess up my body, make me feel like a mother, I'd probably be misgendered. It'll hurt and what if it dies or something.

I just want birth control or blockers or ANYTHING just make this all stop I hate this.

I have nothing to make me feel masculine I'm just feeling gross- all bloated and hungry and unmotivated and oh god it hurts.

Good thing they only last one week and then I have 6 weeks of comfort

UGHHSHSHSHSHDHSHSHDHFHSH F*** ME GENTLY

I don't swear but this dull ache in my abdomen  is enough

I want vanilla crap. Vanilla ice cream. Vanilla cake. I WANT VANILLA. For some reason when on my period all I want is vanilla stuff. Just please dear god.

Not chocolate not mint not sleep not savoury. I want vanilla ice cream or Anzac cookies would be great.

I feel like a baby but like- this is such a blow to me. I dunno I just can't try to think that I was in a war and was stabbed. I just feel like a teenage girl and I hate it.

Everything sucks. This is awful.

I'm gonna go get pain killers

Atleast its not the worst. When I was at Luna park I couldn't stand and I rocked back and forth on the floor of the massive play area while my aunt Katherine told me about what it used to be like. And then I hid in the bathroom for half an hour, holding myself back from collapsing onto the gross public bathroom floor.

And then sometime before that I actually collapsed onto the bathroom floor in my house, crying and wanting to die. I had to cancel my sleepover and took medication and napped for two hours.

I napped

I can't sleep during the day. Ever. Unless im super sleep deprived.

But I had enough sleep, so it was surprising.

And I cancelled something. I never cancel. I love seeing my friends especially kai.

But luckily I invited kai back over after my nap.

I won't be sleeping anytime soon, I accidentally had strong coffee at 8

I distracted myself with Hamilton animatics. I cried at Laurens interlude

I haven't ever seen Hamilton.