TRANS RANTS

my hair

My hair is in an impossible state. Its so uncomfortablely feminine. I feel wrong and I hate it.

Everything about me looks and feels too girly and I hate it a lot.
My clothes and body just feel like they fit really wrong and my voice is too high. My hair doesn't sit right and its never good.

I want it all burned away for a new beginning. Kinda want a new wardrobe with nothing to relate back to being to feminine because it makes me uncomfortable but I also feel pretty in a skirt but it doesn't look right.

And my hairs the worst. Its too short to tie back well and too long to look right. Shaving its the only quick easy option

And im canceling all my I'll fitting skirts and dresses.

It just feels all so wrong. My face is too feminine.

Idk ive been busy and distracting myself from dysphoria. And now that there's people all around me all the time, all of them see me as a girl and its really hurting me I guess.

And I felt so much better in short hair and a beanie. I don't care what the fuck mum says, I looked good in that haircut and I want it back. So I guess that all loops back to shaving.
If I look so bad with a shaved head I can easy cover it with a beanie when they start selling them this winter.

Its just annoying as fuck because I don't have any control over something as simple as my hair. Mum hates everything I do with it if I'm given free range and choice and I hate everything she picks out because its her style and not my own.

Her style doesn't fit me because I'm not her. And she's not me. So as if I could give a fuck about her opinion on my hair its not her damned hair and I'll do what's aver the fuck I want bite me

And the fucking hairdresser won't listen to me she'll listen to mum because hairdressers are idiots who don't take into account personal opinions unless they're paying them.

Maybe I'll get Adler or dad to shave my head but mum would know and throw a fit.

Anyone know how to not guck up a buzz cut pls save me