High Anxiety - Dear Evan Hansen

The Angel and the Nervous Wreck

    So, I've already published these first few in my BMC oneshot book. If you've already read them, bear with me. If not, enjoy!
    They'd met once. In the computer lab. It was a disaster. Evan spent the next few days panicking. More than usual. Jared had said that Connor would probably spread the letter all over the internet, that it would go viral. That couldn't be right. Could it? No, of course it was. Jared was totally right. Connor was going to tell everyone about the letter and Evan's life would be over.
    The next week, he got called down to the principal's office. They didn't say anything about why. Evan's heart was beating out of his chest as he forced himself to walk through the halls. What could he have done? He wasn't a bad kid. He never said anything to anyone. Did something happen with his mom? Was it the letter? Did the administration find out about it and think he was crazy and creepy and--
    He smacked right into Connor Murphy.
    "I-I'm s-sorry!" he squealed, stumbling to regain his balance and keeping his eyes trained on the floor.
    "Hansen." Connor's voice was flat. Evan flinched. Was he mad? He was probably mad.
    "I'm sorry!"
    "Why?"
    "F-for running into you! And for the letter! And--and--"
    "Evan, look at me." He wrenched his gaze up and stumbled back with a squeak. Connor raised an eyebrow.
    "Y-you have wings! You d-didn't have wings before. Did you?" Connor's face screwed together. Evan couldn't tell if he was glowering or smirking. "I-I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said anything I just thought they were cool and they surprised me and you're probably self-conscious about them and I shouldn't have said anything I'm sorry." Connor chuckled. It sounded more like a sarcastic snort.
    "They're new. Calm the fuck down." Evan took a closer look at him. His mouth was turned into a scowl, which Evan assumed was pretty normal. His hair was spilling out of the hood of his dark gray sweatshirt, which was pulled over his head and down almost to his eyes. His wings spread out behind him, snowy-white and fluffy in contrast to... well everything else about him, which was dark and sharp. Evan averted his eyes. He didn't want to be caught staring.
    "So... Um... I'm supposed to be getting to the office," he finally said. It was just as awkward as anything, but at least it broke the tense silence.
    "Yeah, about that." Evan turned his head back up to him. This time, Connor was glaring at his feet. "It's my parents. They wanted to talk to you."
    "What!? You showed them the letter, didn't you? Now they think I'm some creep who's in love with your sister and I'll never have any chance with her now and you already hate me, but now your whole family does too and--"
    "Shut the fuck up, Hansen," Connor growled. Evan obeyed. "I didn't show it to them. They found it." He took a deep breath and grabbed Evan's shoulder, staring into his eyes. Evan shivered and blushed, trying to pull back. Connor's grip tightened. "This is important. You can't tell them we had this conversation. Don't deny anything they tell you, though you probably won't get a single fucking word in past their ranting. Sit there. Listen. Get out."
    "What? But--"
    "I'll explain later." Connor was gone before Evan could wrap his head around what had just happened, much less argue.

    Evan nearly ran out of the office. He'd done what Connor had told him to do, but he had to bite his tongue the whole time to do it. How could he be dead? Evan had just talked to him. And he couldn't have been a ghost, because he'd literally run into him. He was very solid... And he had wings. Okay, so that wasn't normal. Of course, not denying anything also meant that Connor's parents didn't know that Evan had written the letter. They thought that Connor had... And that he and Connor had been friends. They'd only talked to each other twice! And one of those times was after Connor was already dead?
    After a half hour of frantic searching, Evan found Connor leaning against a tree outside the cafeteria doors. Connor watched him approach. He didn't say anything, only stared down at him.
    "I-I don't understand," Evan choked out.
    "What the fuck makes you think I do?" Evan flinched at his voice. He'd been half-hoping Connor wouldn't say anything. It might be proof that he actually was dead and that Evan was just going crazy. That would make more sense, anyway.
    "Are you..."
    "Dead?" Evan nodded. "Last I checked," Connor said with a shrug. "That was kinda the goal."
    "I-I don't--"
    "Downed some meds in the park. I was sick of this fucking school and of my shitty family and of everyone hating me. You think you're shocked? I woke up right where I started with wings and a fucking halo."
    "Halo?" Connor's face screwed up, like there was a sour taste in his mouth. He tore his hood off his head, sending his hair into a cloud of disheveled strands. Floating around his head was a ring of light, shining like a fallen star.
    "Yes, Evan, a halo. I'm apparently some kind of fucking angel now. You think I asked for this?"
    "I—"
    "Because I didn't! The worst thing? No one told me anything. I didn't get any kind of weird dream from God or whatever, but I wouldn't be here if I wasn't supposed to do something, would I?"
    "Connor, I—"
    "So here I am, doing exactly what I don't want to do. Why? I don't have a fucking clue, but I guess I have eternity to kill! How's that?"
    "W-what are you doing?"
    "Helping?" He spat the word.
    "With what?" Evan had stumbled backwards from Connor's rant and now took a few tentative steps twards him.
    "You tell me."
    "Why should I know?" Connor sighed and leaned back against the tree, rubbing his eyes.
    "Look, all I know is I woke up on that same park bench I died on. I went home and my mom was sobbing. Dad was like some stupid statue. My sister didn't seem to care. It was a train wreck. None of them could see me. Or hear me. As fun as it might've been to haunt them or some shit, I came here. They found your therapy letter and thought it was my note. I wanted to watch the chaos, but then you show up and talk to me. Now, freak, tell me why you're the only person who can see or hear me."
    "D-don't call me a freak, please."
    "Fine, Hansen. Why the fuck can you see me?"
    "I don't know." Evan's voice came out as a hurried squeak.
    "Great. That's just great. I'm stuck here. Maybe I should try to off myself again."
    "No!" Evan flinched when Connor's head whipped around to face him. "Y-you said you were helping?"
    "What about it?"
    "I-I think I know how you can help."  Connor raised his eyebrows and shifted his weight against the tree. He leaned there with one shoulder against the trunk, looking down at Evan. The feathers of his wings were fluttering to and fro, like the pendulum of a clock ticking down to when Evan would have to open his mouth. He regretted even mentioning that he had an idea. Trying to put that idea into words... He took a deep breath. "Your parents kind of think we were... friends? W-when you were alive, I mean, and... um..."
    "Your point?" Evan stared down at his hands.
    "I thought maybe we could actually be friends because you know I don't really have any and it sounds stupid now that I say it but could we maybe give it a shot? I'm sorry it's stupid nevermind." Evan gasped for breath and curled in on himself, waiting for Connor to explode.
    "....Yeah, why the fuck not?"
    "I-I'm sorry?" Evan jumped and stared at Connor, who had crossed his arms and averted his eyes.
    "It's going to be a long afterlife if I'm invisible. Besides, you'll need someone to help you deal with my shitshow of a family now that they're gonna be on your back."
    "Y-you mean...?" Connor chuckled and glanced over at him.
    "Yeah, Hansen. I'll be your friend. Looks like we both need one." He smirked to himself. "The angel and the nervous wreck. Sounds like a fucking sitcom." Evan smiled. Maybe Connor Murphy wasn't so bad after all.