The Event

26.

That night I was bombarded by nightmares every time I closed my eyes.

I saw myself on the top of that mountain with my brother. I saw Kayne appear with long swords and guns and a scowl that belonged on the face of a blockbuster movie villain, not on the face of the boy I'd gotten so close to lately. It happened every time I closed my eyes. This emotionless Kayne would appear, and I would fight and fight and try to cut the device out of his neck, but every attempt was thwarted and each time Kayne would pull off my face mask and stare down at me smiling. But it wasn't the smile where he looked at me like I'd been the girl who gave him life and hung the stars and the moon in the sky, instead, it was a look of hate. A smile that told me he was going to enjoy this. I'd scream his name, but in the end, he always ended up plunging a long thick blade right into my heart and I'd have to watch myself bleed out until I'd wake up covered in sweat despite the cold of our tent.

How many times have I actually died that way?

My mind was haunted with wondering.

Kayne had said it wasn't likely that he'd been the one to do it before, but it wasn't impossible either. How many times had the boy I've kissed in secret and fought for in public been the one to plunge a knife into my chest or shoot a bullet into my brain or set my zombie body on fire?

The thoughts were too much and I shot up in my sleeping bag, unable to close my eyes again. I can't keep reliving it. I won't be a broken record anymore. I've got to stop this. Like Kayne said, I've already begun. The ball is rolling, a plan set in motion, and I need to see it through.

So much more is at stake now that I know the truth.

"Row?" Tommy's groggy voice whispered. "What's wrong?"

He blinked up at me slowly, the little ring in his eyebrow twinkling.

How many times had Tommy been murdered too? All of us.

"Row?" He started to sit up, but I put a hand to his shoulder and pushed him back down to his sleeping bag.

"I'm fine." I lied. "Had a bad dream is all."

Apparently my whole life is a bad dream and always has been.

He yawned loudly and blinked away the sleep. "Need me to beat up a monster for you? Just point me in the right direction and I'll use my karate skills to spin kick them in the jaw for ruining your beauty sleep."

"Shut up." I laughed lightly, brushing his long hair off of his face. "You're the one who needs the beauty sleep, not me."

One corner of his mouth quirked up as he closed his eyes. "Yeah yeah, whatever you say." His lips stay parted as he falls to sleep and he looked like such a little boy.

I watched him for a few minutes more. He was innocent, sweet, funny, and a perfect friend. He was the closest person to me and yet when Kayne had asked me what we were going to do earlier, I'd had no clue.

I couldn't just tell innocent, loving, kind Tommy that it turns out the evil aliens we thought we were on our way to make our final stand against weren't actually evil aliens at all but an extension of ourselves. How could I? How could I tell any of them what I know?

But then at the same time, how could I not?

Jorah was right.

This is something we needed to know about because if we choose to follow this road we are on and we are actually successful, we aren't only avenging our planet anymore...we'd also be ending it.

It's an impossible decision.

How is one girl supposed to decide the fate of billions?

I gave up on trying to sleep tonight and go out to the small fire in the middle of our camp. Broswell, a huge Mundi with arms as big around as my whole body sat by the flames, guarding our people as they slept.