Stupid Feelings for Stupid Boys

Suffocating (T.L)

I never thought it'd be so painful letting go of you. It's so hard. All I want to do do is just pick up my phone and text you, but I know I'd be betraying myself if I did that. I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't keep saying that I'm done with you and then just come running back. No more. I'm serious this time. But it's so hard, I feel like I have no self control when it comes to you. You have this hold on me that I can't shake. And I hate that. I hate that I miss you. I hate that you're still all I think about. I hate that your smile is engraved in my brain. I hate that I still remember every moment we shared and every stupid little conversation. I hate that everytime I check my phone I'm filled with this glimmer of hope that I'll get a text from you. I hate that whenever I do check I always get disappointed. I hate the effects you have on me. I wish I could just forget it all so that this pain could just go away. It suffocates me and closes me in. My only escape is writing, it's my only kind of release. After I write I feel lighter somehow; it's like the pain goes away for a little while. But as the day goes by I feel the weight gathering on my chest, making it harder to breathe. That's how I feel now. My heart aches like I've never felt before. I have to fake a smile because I can't show weakness. I just want to scream. This weight is suffocating me. It's just so hard and I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I'm drowning and I'm afraid that no one will save me, and that no one would want to.