A Girl Grows

moonbathing

today i left my house for the first time in what felt like two lifetimes.

the door felt foreign on my warm, anticipating fingertips and i was afraid;

the sky was dark because during the winter, the sun goes to sleep earlier and we close our curtains earlier.

everywhere around me, the earth was awash in soft moonlight;

my bare feet touched the cold grass, dipping into the moon's glow like vessels in a pale green ocean and because i felt like i didn't really want to keep going in this vast ocean anymore, i laid down, curled my body into a ball so my legs touched my chest and i could breathe hot, thawing air onto my shivering knees, and i imagined fireflies dancing around my head singing campfire songs.

when it was still dark and the sun was still sensing the ripe hours of dawn, i opened my frozen, daydreaming eyelids and uncurled my toes and stretched my arms out to the disappearing stars.

perhaps, this place is worth staying for, after all. i say. perhaps, and i sit with knees tucked in, staring at the bleeding, gloaming stars and the précis of the sunrise, perhaps living is more worthwhile than dying.

—love, lana.

sorry i was gone for so long. :')