Why Me? (Book 3 Arrow/SPN Crossover Series)

Paradise Sacrificed

Chapter 6 Paradise Sacrificed

Oliver and Dean stared at each other. They had watched an archangel die as an act of sacrifice to help them. There was no words, barely even any thoughts that could describe what that meant. They were emotionless, their sense of shock robbing them of their ability to feel anything at all. They watched as Castiel ran his hands through the pile of dust that had once been his brother, his tears creating small piles of mud on the floor where they mingled with the dust.

“This, this dust, this is what God made you humans out of. We were created of his will, his mind. Archangels were created from the universal energy itself. Why should so many of us have to die to save what ultimately will return to dust?" Castiel whispered. “Why would Father abandon us to this fate? Aren’t we his children as much as you humans are?"

Dean got up off his chair, walked to Castiel, carefully avoiding the dust and sat next to him on the floor. “Cas, I don’t really think God loves us humans either anymore if he ever did., I think this whole world is just an inconvenience for him. He has other things to attend to it seems. When Dad left Sam and I alone for days on end I’ll admit that I wondered if he loved us at all. How did I know he wasn’t seeing other women, having other families or if he was even going to come back at all? I know how this feels trust me, I know. I got through it focusing on what I had to do, survive and keep Sam safe. That’s why I deal with things the way I do. Push away the stuff that doesn’t really matter at that moment, push it down and keep your mind on what’s out there trying to kill you.  Is it the safest or best way? Probably not, but it’s the only way I know."

“Dean, did you ever lose faith in your father?" Castiel asked.

“Years and years ago. It didn’t happen all at once but when he kicked Sam out, that was what did it. I still loved him, still do. Faith and love aren’t the same though. If he was alive right now I wouldn’t want to be hunting with him. We’re too much alike and I have very little faith in myself anymore with everything that has happened."

Oliver stepped carefully around the dust and sat on Castiel’s other side. “I have my own issues with both my parents. I can barely stand my mother at the moment and my father, well we were never really that close. I have more faith in Felicity and Dig  than I do either of them. Family is created over a lifetime, not just at birth. Family becomes those who stand by you whether or not they created you or share your blood. It’s not always the same thing."

Castiel nodded slowly. “It’s a harder thing for me, this choosing. I can’t really explain to you how strong the compulsion to follow God and never doubt him is built into us. It’s a constant physical pain in me now, I have strayed so far I feel that I will never be able to go back. This rebellion I am choosing to follow rips me both from God and from my home, my family. My fellow angels are my family, we have fought together for eons. We have faith in each other even if we don’t in God. Am I abandoning them as much as I feel God has abandoned us?"

“Cas," Dean said, "When you first found out about Ramiel being an Archangel you felt he had betrayed you by hiding. Perhaps he had in some way but in giving hunters knowledge he was choosing to fight by you in another way. Aren’t you doing the same thing?”

Castiel looked at Dean, a bit of resolve and determination came back into his face. ”Perhaps, Dean. Perhaps. Either way it is too late now to go back." He reached his hand out over the pile of dirt which started glowing softly. It started coming together into a column of tightly controlled spinning flecks of light and dirt.

“Return home Ramiel and rest. It has been entirely too long since you have last  been among your brothers and sisters." Castiel flipped his hand over so his palm faced skyward, the column of dirt and light became a pure white, shot up through the roof of the building and disappeared.  “Your essence is gone brother but what remains of you should be there, not here.”  He bowed his head, Dean and Oliver did the same. After a few minutes Castiel stood up, all traces of grief gone from his face. The knife had disappeared from his side and the wound had healed.