Everything I Ask For » clifford, hemmings, hood, & irwin

13. ashton & courtney

courtney & ashton // "Ahhh, so you're an explorer too?"

I couldn't sleep.

Maybe I was still a little drunk or maybe the guilt that invaded my lungs and breath was weighing way too heavily on my heart, but something was causing my insomnia. Catherine and I had gotten back to the dorm about an hour and a half ago. She was visibly upset, though she never would have admitted it. Once the door was unlocked and we were inside she quickly got ready for bed, threw on her PJs, and passed the fuck out. It took me a little longer to wind down, but once I was under the covers, sleep was completely off my radar. I rolled over in my bed and looked at my phone screen for the time. It read 3:12 AM

I sighed at how late it was and how much I hated this cursed insomnia that came to me almost every night. I pulled my black and white duvet closer to my chin wondering that if I tucked it tight enough I might suffocate and not have to face the total mess I had created.

I hooked up with Ashton's best friend in his room then proceeding to throw up all over it in the same night. I was a fucking asshole and a slut and on top of that my best friend had been dealing with a raging anger management class needing boy and I had been totally oblivious to the help she clearly needed. All in all, I just couldn't get my mind off of how much I actually sucked as a person.

I needed to do something, get my hand on something to avoid all the shitty things happening. I sat up in my bed quickly and got up out of bed. I crept over across the hallway to Catherine's room and quietly turned her door knob to peek inside to make sure she was sound asleep. Her brown hair was strewn across her pillow and a couple strands pulled across her face as she tossed and turned carelessly. It might have looked like she was having a nightmare, but she was definitely a goner.

Once I was assured that she was sound asleep, I went back to my room and hastily opened my bed side drawer, searching through my mess of stuff to find my red pack of Marlboros. They were my hidden stash since I promised Catherine and Sarah I would quit. They said I smoked way too much even when I insisted it was only socially (which was a load of massive shit).

Smoking a cigarette seemed to be the only thing that could ever calm me down and after a night as god awful and this one, that was exactly I needed to do. Smoke a couple life killing sticks of wonder, watch the grey puffs billow out, and be done. For those couple minutes, I could forget about it all, forget about Ashton and Calum and the embarrassing vomit I never cleaned up on the floor of Room 118.

I shoved my feet into flips flops and made sure I brought my dorm key so I wouldn't get locked out and have to get Cat to let me back in. That would blow my late night smoke cover in an instant and I couldn't have that happen.

I stepped out the room and into the hallway. Sarah's door was shut and I assumed after all the chaos that had ensued at the party she had made it back and was probably asleep. With how loud Michael would yelling at those guys I was pretty sure the whole city of Newport Beach heard him in his bout of raging anger. Plus, I wasn't as worried about Sarah seeing me. It was always Catherine that was passionately against my bad habit more than Sarah. Catherine just hated anything that had to do with me attempting to throw my life away.

What she didn't understand was that was the only thing I seemed to be good at.

I walked quietly through the hall and down the back stairs. It was past 3 AM and mandatory curfew for being in rooms was supposed to be midnight but was always really an unspoken 2 am. If you were caught past midnight you probably got a lengthy detention but any time after 2 AM meant you were going to the Administration Court. Depending on what went on, the court could do anything from expulsion or worse.

I had been to Admin Court a solid three times during my whole time at NCA which is a lot considering the average student doesn't even make it in there once. Each sentence was for being out past 2 AM and, with all honesty, should have gotten penalized harshly for each incident, but luckily Catherine was head of the student portion of the court since she was president. My best friend always saved my ass no matter what. She painted me to be a misunderstood kid with good intentions to the dean and principal and they ate up her words like cake.