The Ship Everyone Wants To Sail

Arcade

So, it's movie day. It's the last day of the show, too, so that's a sad time. We ate since we had a potluck, which is basically when anyone who is able to bring something, brings food. The pasta was good though.

It was originally movie day for just the two of us, but you forgot your free tickets. We decided to go to the arcade with Shelia, Todd, Brooklyn, and another friend, Anoki. So it was the six of us in your truck/SUV type car. I had to sit in the back because I was small and Shelia was claustrophobic, so she sat in the front with you. I admit I was a bit jealous because I wanted to sit with you, but for her sake, I gave it to her.

Nothing much happened during the hangout, but it was really fun on my end. I got the 2nd highest score on a huge sized Piano Tiles game and couldn't get to first for the life of me. I was so aggravated, I had to leave. I was with Shelia the whole time. However, I noticed how she wasn't as bubbly as usual and realized that she was sick. I keep telling her that she's sick, but won't accept it, so she was a bit down.

We then went to the karaoke room where we all were there and it was, also, fun. We sang songs from Hamilton, Moana, and High School Musical 2. I sang "Fabulous" with you, even though you didn't know the song, so basically, I sang it.

The second half of the time we were there I was laying on your side. It was when you told me to come near you to sing "Fabulous" and when I started poking your elbow, you pulled my hand to where I was laying on your side. It was comfortable until Brooklyn came over and started to tickle me. You only tickled me for a little bit, then came to my rescue and picked me up bridal style to the other couch. She then tried to follow us and you picked me up again back to the same couch we were. She just couldn't take the hint that you didn't want her near us. Sadly this time I wasn't laying on you.

We had to leave because it was getting late and we stopped by McDonald's for food. I only got water because I was dehydrated from not drinking anything today. You were telling everyone how much they owed you but never told me my price. It was probably because it was just water, but I remembered before we left when we were debating on either going to the movies or arcade that you jokingly said you were upset for me not letting you pay for my ticket. I had to pay for Shelia's ticket, so it would be smart if I paid for mine too.

On the way home, I used your sleeping bag, the same one we used from the night we kissed, to keep myself warm because it was freaking cold back there. I was content not only because I was warm, but it also smelled like you. Your smell makes me oddly content and happy.

We got to the dorms to drop us off and you had to get some stuff out of your trunk. You opened the window of your trunk and jokingly, softly commanded me to get out of your car. You wrapped your arm around my neck just to keep my head in place and you kissed my cheek. It was a soft, warm one, but it was enough to make my heart flutter.

You see, the problem with this is the conversation we were having around half an hour ago. You specifically told Brooklyn to "find you a relationship, but they have to not be attending our college." Why are you doing this?

I then thought about it and I realized that you do all this relationship-like stuff when no one is looking, other than the ones you did when you were drinking. Are you trying to keep it a secret?

But then I took it a step farther. Are you using me? For sexual reasons? Or because of your dire want of a significant other? Because if it's either of them, I want out. I already had relationships/situations from both of those and I do not wish to repeat them.

I'm planning on talking to you about this. I don't know when, but I want to face-to-face. It's either gonna go down as us being together or us being just friends with my hurting on the inside. I mean, I'm okay with the second one, too. I'm always hurting since I overthink a lot.

Just please tell me soon.