The Ship Everyone Wants To Sail

January Blues

I've been having this situation for a while now. It's been almost 2 months since my initial heartbreak but it's still not going away. The great advice I was given was 3 weeks ago is starting to fade and I'm slowly going back to the depressed, stress, and anxiety-ridden girl I was before.

I still have strong feelings for you. Over the three weeks, I communicated with you less which helped a little bit, though whenever you start any small talk is usually about her.

You and Lilith are so cute and happy together and I don't want to ruin that. I think you two are goals, really. You both seem to have changed for the better (sorta).

However, winter break is coming to an end and I'm starting to think about how I'm going to deal with you face-to-face for 4/7 days. With all the friends that you have at our college, I'm probably one of the top three people you're comfortable with, so you would want to hang out with me when you have nothing to do. Our friend circle and the population of the college are so small, even if I tried to avoid you it will be impossible and I don't know what to do. 

I have classes with you which doesn't help at all. I accepted to help you in math after one of the classes we share together, but I did that before all this happened. I don't think I can handle that, especially since you like to talk to Lilith a lot. She goes to a different school than us so you probably will chat with her all day too. I always feel like I'm not enough when I see you two together or talk about each other.

Also, I feel like that it would cause problems between you and Lilith because of the amount of time we might be hanging out. We practically acted like girlfriend and boyfriend (without it being official) the month before you met her and she knows. 

At the beginning of your relationship, I was the one who accidentally started your small fights because you still wanted to be close to me and she didn't want that. I feel like I might somehow be involved with you two accidentally without knowing and something might happen. You're really happy with her and I don't want to mess that up because you deserve to be truly happy for once in your life. 

And I don't know what to do.