Incognito You

A Year Without Rain

/'Death takes the body.
God takes the soul.
Our mind hold the memories.
Our heart keeps the love.
Our faith let us know we will meet again.'
-Anonymous/

The buzzing sound of the alarm clock lingers to the four corner of my gloomy room. I went to bed at 11 pm last night but I barely lost consciousness. Napasandal ako sa head board and whisper my morning prayers. Madilim ang paligid dahil sarado ang lahat ng bintana, patay din lahat ng ilaw but in this darkness I feel at home. I feel protected form the harsh reality that I'd been denying for the last 365 days.

I went out of bed and open a portion of the window, malakas ang ulan kagabi kaya medyo foggy ang paligid. Hindi masyadong maaraw but the minimal sunlight is already blinding my impaired vision. I look at my own reflection in the vanity mirror, nakawhite loose shirt ako with red/black boxers. Hindi na kaya itago ng concealer ang laki ng eyebag ko. Huminga ako ng malalim bago pumasok ng shower.

It has been like this for the last 365 days, I wake up sad and go to bed lonely. It's a situation that traps my soul in an endless limbo. I miss her so much, I miss her everyday of my life.

I walk out of the shower and proceed to prepared myself for another meaningless day. There's a large photograph of Rhian in the center of my room, it's black and white taken back in our college days.

She look's so beautiful, every detail of her face is crafted in perfection. Naalala ko pa the first time I lay my eyes on her, she got me dumbstruck. I try to look cool at that time when in reality, sobra na akong kinikilig.

She's pretty without make up, she's my goddess.

I approach her photo and caress her cheek's.

"Alam mo bang miss na miss na kita Rhi...kung alam mo lang kung gaano ako nalulungkot..."

Umagos ang mga luha sa pisngi ko, every single day I cry for her, the longing and denial is eating me away.

"Daanan kita mamaya Rhi...after ng rounds ko ha...ill bring flowers..may gusto ka ba?.."

Bitter ang mga pilit na ngiti ko, I take a deep breath bago tuloyang lumabas ng unit.

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Glaiza

"Oh Erika. What brought you here?"

She's comfortably sitting in the sofa inside my office. I just notice she's with Megan.

"Hey Megan, nandito ka din? Anong ganap?"

"We're checking you out. Alden told me that....."

Hindi ko na siya pinatapos dahil parang alam ko na kung saan pupunta ang usapan. Lahat sila worry sa nagiging effect sa akin ng nangyari kay Rhian.

"Erika, I very much appreciate the concern but im okay. See, im good. Whatever Alden told you just shake it off, im good you see."

I tap her shoulder and talk in a funny tone, but im sure Megan is not buying any of my shit. She knew me better than anyone else in the room.

"Glaiza, what are you doing with your life? Do you see yourself in the mirror? You look like a mess, matulog ka naman paminsan minsan, gusto mo bang matulad ka kay Rhian?"

Her voice is nagging and she just hit a nerve in bringing Rhian up.

"Yes Megan, how I wish ako na lang sana at hindi siya..."

"Come on Glaiza, the world doesn't end with what happened to Rhian."

Una siyang nagtaas ng boses at hindi ko napigilan, pumatol ako.