dear boyfriend - chwe hansol + boo seungkwan

eight

"How did the date go?" 

"It went well," Vernon spoke, spinning the straw in his hot chocolate as he brushed his hair out of his face. 

Vernon and Seungkwan sat in the coffee shop where Seungkwan worked. The shop was close to closing time, so Seungkwan and Vernon could share the small space together without trying to speak over to sound of other people. 

"You don't sound like you had a good time," Seungkwan countered, his eyebrow raised. Even though he did not have all of his memories back, Seungkwan was always good at reading Vernon's facial expressions and seeing past his responses. 

"It was good, really it was," Vernon swore, looking into his cup, "but for some reason, something was holding me back." 

Seungkwan crossed his arms and leaned back into his chair, looking at the ceiling in a huff. "Is it because of me?" 

Seungkwan was smart -- he knew that even though Vernon could attempt to move on and find someone else, Vernon would be ready to go back to him in an instant once Seungkwan's memory returned. Vernon could tell him that he planned to marry someone, but the wedding would immediately be off if Seungkwan remembered even a bit of his year with Vernon. 

"I-I know you told me I have to move on, Seungkwan," Vernon said, "and I know I will eventually. It's just the fact that I still miss you and care about you so much that I feel guilty going out with anyone. Is that normal? Is that even acceptable?"

Seungkwan didn't answer. 

"I'm practically cheating on Rose," Vernon scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief, "No girl wants to hear that their crush is still attracted to their ex, Seungkwan."

"Rose is understanding, believe me," Seungkwan reminded Vernon, "I know." 

"How can you be so sure?" Vernon asked. 

"We talked about it," Seungkwan answered simply, giving Vernon a small smile. 

Vernon's eyes widened as he accidentally bumped his leg into the table, the cup in front of him tipping slightly. Seungkwan chuckled at his clumsiness. 

"What are you talking about?" Vernon wondered. 

"She told me not to tell you, so don't you dare tell her I said this," Seungkwan pointed his finger at Vernon's face, "but she said that she in a heartbeat would give you up if I were to gain my memory again." 

"Are you serious?" 

"She said, and I quote, 'I truly like Vernon, but the second that you get your memory back, I won't throw a fit. The two of you were meant to stay forever,'" Seungkwan lifted his right hand to signify his truthful words. 

Vernon could not believe his ears. Now he felt even more guilty, knowing that Rose was willing to throw away any interest she had in him if it meant he could happy with Seungkwan. Now he felt more entitled to spoil her as well, to make sure he really made her happy. She continued to surprise Vernon everyday. 

"I have to go, Mingyu and I are going to this new seafood place downtown," Seungkwan spoke, standing from his chair, pulling on his thick coat. 

"Wait," Vernon sat up, grabbing Seungkwan's hand and pulling him to sit at the table. "Can I ask you something? Please?" 

"Of course," Seungkwan responded, folding his hands on the table.

Vernon took a breath in, "If you do get your memory back, would you still date Mingyu?" 

Seungkwan rolled his eyes, "Vernon are you ser-"

"I just want to know," Vernon interrupted, "it could help me cope in a way. If I know that Mingyu is better than me, I'll just move on." 

Seungkwan held Vernon's hand in his. "Listen to me when I say this, Vernon: I like Mingyu. I enjoy spending time with him and eating with him and going out with him. However, even though I find Mingyu attractive and I may like him now, I was in love with you, not him. You think that once my memory returns, I'm going to choose someone I liked for a few months over someone I had a stable relationship with for a year? Come on, Vernon, use your head please."

Seungkwan ruffled Vernon's hair before telling him goodbye and stepping out of the coffee shop, where Mingyu had parked his car a moment ago to pick up Seungkwan. 

Although Vernon could practically see fumes coming out of his skin as Mingyu stared at him through the car window, Vernon was happy. There was still a possibility that Seungkwan would love him, and that was enough to fill with Vernon with strength. 

  ✺  

"So, tell me again why you're pushing your birthday party back a whole week?" Seungkwan asked Mingyu as they ate their shrimp.

"The basketball team made it to state finals, I need to be there," Mingyu answered, his mouth full. Seungkwan cringed at the sight. 

Mingyu had been patient with Seungkwan, taking him out and trying to get Seungkwan to like him more everyday. However, Seungkwan was just becoming closer with Vernon, spilling all his secrets to him instead of Mingyu, when Mingyu made it painfully aware that he was there for Seungkwan when he had to talk about anything. 

"So, let's talk," Mingyu put grabbed a crab leg from his plate and cut into the leg to get into the delicious meat inside. 

"About what?" Seungkwan asked, wiping his hands on a napkin. 

"You and I," Mingyu answered, "what are we?"

"I think it's pretty obvious that we have attraction towards one another," Seungkwan answered, "it just depends on if this attraction builds even more." 

"You're just saying that because you want more time to trigger your memory," Mingyu said coldly.

Seungkwan looked at Mingyu, astonished. "I mean, do you want me to date you just to fall for Vernon again?" 

"Why can't you see that I can be better than him?" Mingyu pouted, putting his crab leg down. "I'm a good student, I can drive you anywhere you want, I pay for you, and I'm mentally and physically stable?" 

"Physically?" Seungkwan gasped. "What the hell do you mean by that?" 

Mingyu closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. He needed to restrain from letting his anger towards Vernon show out  "I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I'm just frustrated, Seungkwan, I thought you wanted me." 

"I do," Seungkwan scoffed, "but can't you look at it from my point of view? I lost my fucking memory, I have no recollection of my relationship with Vernon, I can't remember some of my friends, I can't remember stories that my mom shared with me, nothing! I'm struggling to come to terms with it. I'm praying that I can just remember just a single detail from the past year, and I can't. I like you Mingyu, I really do, but please give me some time."

"I am, I-I just want you to be mine, Seungkwan," Mingyu sighed, "I've been waiting for you, since even before the accident I've had nothing but feelings for you. I want to be able to tell everyone that I'm yours and you're mine. Can't you make an exception for me?" 

Seungkwan was speechless. Seungkwan turned his head away from Mingyu and looked up at the ceiling so he wouldn't see how glossy his eyes were. Mingyu obviously looked pained to have to wait for Seungkwan, but Seungkwan just wasn't ready. 

"I need some time to think, that's all, Mingyu," Seungkwan spoke, "just give me some time. You'll have your answer soon."

Mingyu nodded, placing his hand on top of Seungkwan's to comfort him, while in the inside he smirked knowing he had guilt tripped Seungkwan enough to make Seungkwan his within the next week.