dear boyfriend - chwe hansol + boo seungkwan

six

"Why aren't you eating?"

Vernon pulled himself out of his thoughts for the third time that night, making eye contact with Seungkwan who was on his left. Seungkwan's mother also looked at Vernon in concern.

"It's nothing, really," Vernon lied, trying to eat more of his rice, "I've just been a little tired, that's all."

Mingyu's threat has been ringing in Vernon's ears since three days ago during study hall, and Vernon could not focus on anything else. It made him sick, made him want to die, thinking about Seungkwan dating Mingyu. He should have been avoiding Seungkwan, but since Seungkwan's mother had asked him to come over for dinner, Vernon realized that avoiding Seungkwan would be much harder than he thought. 

"You've barely eaten," Seungkwan's mother commented, "you didn't even eat any of your beef."

"I'm sorry, can I step outside for a bit?" Vernon asked, already sliding out of his seat. Seungkwan's eyes followed Vernon's, and he felt something build inside him watching Vernon look so pale and upset. 

Vernon stepped out onto the front porch, with Seungkwan right behind him. "I swear I'm fine, I just need some time alone." 

"What a fucking lie," Seungkwan rolled his eyes, "you're not tired, you're obviously sad about something. Talk to me, Vernon."

"I'd rather not," Vernon sighed,  wrapping his arms around himself, "it's best I don't say anything." 

"Are you kidding? It's eating you alive," Seungkwan spoke, his body obviously shivering. "Why don't you talk to me about things? Do you not trust me?" 

"I could ask you the same thing," Vernon snarled, looking away from Seungkwan.

Seungkwan's eyes widened at the sudden attack. "What, so you're mad at me or something? What the hell did I do? Am I not helping you enough at school or something? Do you want to hang out with me mo-"

"There's things you're obviously not telling me, Seungkwan," Vernon interrupted, "and it makes it more difficult for me to trust you with some things, like my thoughts and true feelings."

"What am I keeping from you?" Seungkwan asked, now upset at the accusations.

Vernon rolled his eyes, his anger boiling. Mingyu had already told Vernon about being Seungkwan's boyfriend, but Seungkwan continued to pretend nothing is going on. It made him want to fight Mingyu until he bleeds, just like Vernon did years ago when he lost his arm. 

Seungkwan's phone buzzed and he looked at the screen, speedily answering it.

"Mingyu, this isn't the time," Seungkwan sighed, "can I talk to you later?"

Vernon couldn't stop himself, the thought of Mingyu talking to Seungkwan and taking him away from him made his heart burn. He reached for Seungkwan's phone and hung up, Seungkwan shoving him in the chest. 

"What is wrong with you?" Seungkwan yelled. 

"You like Mingyu!" Vernon yelled back, "Don't you, Seungkwan?" 

Seungkwan inhaled deeply through his nose, trying to calm down. "You promised you'd move on, Vernon."

"That's not the issue here!"

"What is the problem then? Why are you mad?" Seungkwan screamed. 

Vernon was going to tell Seungkwan everything about what Mingyu said to him, about how Mingyu made him lose his arm. He wanted Seungkwan to leave Mingyu and love him again. 

But he was scared. 

Mingyu had strength and power. No one would believe him if he said that Mingyu was terrorizing his life. Mingyu was adored and loved, something that Vernon did not have as much of. He couldn't say anything, or he would be ruined. Although he hated lying to Seungkwan more than anything, Seungkwan had no idea what was going on between him and Mingyu. He needed to act cool and pretend that nothing wrong was really happening. 

"I-I like Rose," Vernon lied, "the girl from Belgium. I wanted to tell you because I thought you would be so happy to hear that I was trying to move on, but you wouldn't even tell me you like Mingyu and was going out on dates with him." 

Seungkwan froze, and Vernon knew that his lie had worked. 

"I'm sorry," Seungkwan's cheeks were suddenly red, as he hugged Vernon close to him. "I just thought you were going to be angry with me about moving on and I didn't want you to hate me. I really tried to remember everything we had, Vernon, but I can't! I'm still going to therapy and reading your letters but nothing is coming up. I didn't want you to think I gave up on you! I swear, I'm still trying!"

Seungkwan's eyes were pooling with tears, and Vernon could only hold him close, letting Seungkwan vent to him. 

"I thought you would stop talking to me if I let you know," Seungkwan continued, "and I didn't want us to stop being friends. Aside from you, Vernon, I don't have anyone that I'm really close to aside from my mom. I'm so sorry I was lying, I-"

"If you want to be with Mingyu, then do it," Vernon spoke, tears forming in his own eyes as he continued to lie through his teeth, "I want you to be happy."

"But-"

"No, I'm serious, I want you to be happy with him. We can always be friends, Seungkwan, that won't change."

Seungkwan wiped his face, then wiped Vernon's eyes, a small smile forming his face. 

"I'm happy for you, I'm happy you like Rose," Seungkwan smiled. "I wasn't supposed to tell you this, but she really likes you, Vernon." 

Shit, Vernon thought. He forced a grin at Seungkwan. "Help me ask her out?"

"Of course! She was telling me about how she wanted to eat Thai food a few days ago while we were chatting. I'll set you guys up! Can we go inside now please?"

Vernon nodded, following Seungkwan into the house. His phone buzzed in his pocket, and Vernon glanced at the screen, a text notification from a random number. However, when he read the message, Vernon shut off his phone, anger burning through his body again.

mingyu: good boy, vernon, good boy.