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"I feel like I need to ask for your past history now?" I confessed.
"Do you want it?"
I was quiet for a long time.
"I'm not sure," I paused.
"I think I do want to know because I want to know more about you and what you've been through, but I also am afraid I'll compare myself. I think I'm afraid to know because then I'll start Googling and I really don't want to end up doing that to myself?"
"Then we don't have to talk about it?"
I looked up and met his eyes as my head still rested on him. "But I do want to know, I should know. We should be open about things like that right?"
He gave a shrug and pursed his lips. "I guess, but if you're unsure about how it might mess in your head then you don't need to know."
I took a deep sigh, because I really did want to know. I'd already Googled for his past relationships before, which made me uncomfortable to think about now, but thankfully there seemed to be nothing. However, I knew if he started telling me names then I knew I would being comparing myself to those beautiful models, or actors or artists. I knew there had to be girls and I wasn't sure if I was prepared to handle it yet. My past boyfriends you couldn't Google up, in Shawn's case I'm sure it wasn't the same.
"I do want to know," I whispered, "I just think... I think I should wait."
Shawn nodded and I felt he understood, but then suddenly he shuffled under me, trying to look down at me.
"You listen to my songs," he smiled, "right?"
I nodded.
"Well," he said with a long easy sigh, "that's where you find my past relationships. I've written it all in my songs. That's the best place to find it all."
I thought the suggestion was a beautiful one at first but then I quickly caught its flaw.
"But Shawn I've listened to all your music before and I still don't know much? It's hard to know what is real or what it means exactly? It's all my own interpretation."
Shawn nodded and I felt he was thinking.
"Then I'll tell you?" He said suddenly.
I stared at him long and hard as he smiled to himself.
"I'll tell you," he smiled before he leaned back so he could look at me as he spend the next hour taking me though each song, selecting and telling me the ones that were real.
He told me about his first girlfriend, bringing up each song title and breaking it down for me as he told me about her. He told me how his career pulled them apart and how he hurt her.
Then he told me about an older one night stand, and another girl who rejected him, and by the end there was five in total. Five real girls that in someway had an effect on him. Some were simple crushes and the others much more. He gave me his past without their names and he placed the songs into a whole new perspective for me so I felt I understood him a little better.
