Cinderfella

Chapter Sixteen

Alice came out to the field with her bike to collect Ethan once she had finished her project. She smiled and tossed him his helmet. "Do you want another lesson? Or should we head home?"

Ethan shrugged. "I kind of want to get out of this stuff, it's super sweaty."

Alice nodded and hopped onto the bike. "Then grab on and I'll get us home. Besides, we've got someone coming over in a bit."

Ethan slid on his helmet and crawled on after Alice. "Who's coming over?"

"The queen of England."

Ethan rolled his eyes and pushed Alice's shoulder. "Oh come on, be real. Who's coming over?"

Alice started the bike up. "Maddy's already there. She got a call from Mikey this morning. Those guys he was with last night took him home, and are bringing him over in a bit."

Ethan felt his stomach flip as Alice took off. Was Mikey okay? Why had he stayed with them?

"Hey Alice?" Ethan yelled.

"What?" Alice yelled back.

"Mikey, is he okay? Did something happen last night?"

Alice shrugged, making the bike shake. Ethan grabbed on tighter to Alice, suddenly uncomfortable in his own skin. He cursed under his breath. He hated these feelings, where all of a sudden he wanted to crawl out of his body and die.

"You alright back there?" Alice asked.

Ethan nodded and buried his head between Alice's shoulder blades. Alice sped up, cutting corners close and rushing to get home. They were barely in the driveway with Maddy's car when Alice turned off the bike and turned to wrap her arms around Ethan.

"Hey, I'm sure whatever is bothering you, we can talk about it. Do you want to go inside?"

Ethan shook his head. Hot tears burned his eyes and his breath caught in his throat. Alice lifted his head up and removed the helmet.

"Th-thanks... thank you," Ethan blubbered.

Alice smiled softly and patted Ethan's arm. "Let's get off the bike, then we can sit out here and you can tell me what's wrong." Ethan shook his head. "Then I'll sit with you while you cry. How does that sound?"

Ethan let her guide him off the bike so she could put it up in the garage. She returned, reaching up and wrapping an arm around Ethan's shoulders, guiding him to the front porch where she sat them down.

"Now, what's bothering you?" Alice asked. Her voice was soft and gentle, and Ethan swore he could see Nicole in her eyes.

Ethan leaned into her shoulder, covering his face and crying. "I-I don't know what's wrong with me. It... it all feels like too much. I was fine, and now I feel like everything... there's something making it hard to breath. I-It hurts, and I want to go home, and I want the see Mikey, and I want to be okay again."

Alice's hands began rubbing his shoulders. Ethan relaxed, and a knot he hadn't realized was there began loosening.

"Ethan, I know how you feel," Alice whispered. Her hands tightened on his shoulders. "I-I felt that way, and I still do most days. Where, no matter what you do, or what you wear, you feel like a stranger in your body, and I don't know how to describe it, but days like this, you don't go through them alone. If you want, my mom can help, she's good with this sort of thing."

Ethan raised his head. "You feel it too?"

Alice nodded and rubbed her leg where skin met plastic. "Before I came out, I slept around. I tried guys, and girls, and I wanted to just feel normal. And every single time, all I wanted was to curl into a ball and fade away because I never felt what they did. My mom found out what I was doing, and she took me to a therapist. She told me I might be asexual, or somewhere on the spectrum, so I looked into it. And at first, everything was great. I was happy knowing that what I was, that everything I am is okay."

She sighed and gripped her leg. "And then my dad kept saying how I wasn't-how it didn't exist and that I was just looking for attention, like always. And he made me feel sick in my own body. And when I lost my leg, and my dad left, and we moved here- it was all so much at once and I wanted to die."

"Alice," Ethan whispered in horror. Alice, who stood up to people twice her height and raced cars and carried herself like a goddess, was human. The true horror was, Ethan felt the same way.

He'd dated a guy at the beginning of middle school, and he couldn't have been happier. But they broke up, and Ethan found himself drawn to girls. He'd called himself gay, but it felt fake. And then he'd discovered what bisexuality was, and pansexuality, and soon he'd come to face the fact that he was truly a male, just stuck in the wrong body. And throughout all of it, he never had a safe place, and at several low points, he'd thought about dying too.

"Ethan, I swear I'm better now, you don't have to-"

"I feel it too."

Alice pulled him into a hug. She pressed her face against his, their tears mixing. "Ethan, it's a horrible thing to go through, but please listen to me when I say it gets better. Don't ever-don't you even consider killing yourself. Because I swear to you, in a year, you will be so much happier, and you will be healthy and loved and you will miss so much if you would talk to someone."

Ethan nodded, trying to push a smile out. "I-I'll try-I mean, I'll talk to your mom. Just, please, if you need help-"

Alice shook her head. "Ethan I haven't been better in years. But it's because I didn't give in to those feelings, and you have to promise me that you won't either."

Ethan nodded and held out his pinky. "I swear, I won't do anything to hurt myself. I'll talk to you whenever I need help."

Alice smiled and wrapped her pinky around Ethan's. "And I swear to listen to your every problem, no matter what."

The door behind them banged open and Maddy stepped out onto the porch. "I thought I heard your bike, but no one came inside." She looked down and noticed Alice's red eyes and turned to Ethan. "Are you making her cry? Because so help me I will not tolerate this."

Alice shook her head. "Maddy, were both fine for now. We were taking about some personal stuff."

Maddy sat behind the two. "Good. I like you Ethan, and I'd hate to have to bust your lip for making Alice sad."

Ethan nodded. "I would never do anything to hurt her, I swear."

Maddy set a hand on his shoulder. "Good. Now, Mikey just called, and he said he'll be pulling up in a few minutes."

A cherry red car pulled into the drive way seconds later. Mikey waved from the window. Maddy rushes towards the car and before Mikey could step out, Maddy had grabbed him in a hug, holding him two feet off the ground.

"Mikey!" Alice yelled. She rubbed her eyes on the backs on her hands and rushed towards the car.

Ethan followed, getting there in time for Maddy to set Mikey down. Ethan pulled him into a hug, which Mikey gladly returned.

"Where have you been?" Maddy yelled as Ethan released him. She spun Mikey around to look at him. She looked down at his hand, which was wrapped in bandages, in horror. "What happened to you?"

Mikey held his bandaged hand to his chest. "Can we go inside first. I swear, I'll tell you everything."

•••••

Wow, it's been a while. Sorry about the wait, I can no longer use the computer. More updates to come today.