The Tragic Ending of Us

Continuation of 20-10-17

"You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge.

Apologize for mistakes. Apologize for unintentionally hurting someone, profusely. But don't apologize for being who you are."

-Danielle Laporte

In this world, we as human beings are taught from a young age what normal is...And what it means to be normal...But that does not signify that we have to change into what normal is. That does not signify that we have to lose ourselves so people like us. That does not signify that we have to change for anyone. Or anything.

Take for example a girl...A real girl...A girl who changed her entire being. Her personality. Her looks. Her actions. The way she treated people. Take for example a girl...who lost her entire being for a guy who never was or will be worth it.

December 27, 2016, that's the day you took your friendship with her, that friendship that she worked 24/7 to save. You took all of that, all of the inside jokes, all of the laughs, all of the talks, all of the memories...You took them all and just got rid of them like they were nothing. Like she was nothing. How does someone recover from that? You told her that she meant nothing to you. You spent years calling her every name you could think up. You taught her that "friendship" meant breaking down someone's self-confidence every day for 2 years. You taught her that "love" meant leaving whenever things got too hard. You taught her that she meant nothing to anyone. You told her that she meant nothing because "how could I ever like someone like you?" It was clear to her that you had finally given up on her. On the friendship. And maybe had she not been so infatuated with you, she would have realized that you had given up that summer.

May 30, 2016. There was another all-nighter. Another,"we talked about our dreams." Another," we talked about our future plans." Another," where we were gonna go to college." Another," why we wanted to leave so badly." Another night of promises that weren't gonna be kept. Promises of forever friendship. Promises of keeping together when things got tough. Promises of never leaving each other. Promises of traveling the world together. Promises of Disneyland and explorations. Promises of looking for the hidden beauty in everything. Promises of a good life...Together. Promises that made it sound like there was a future to be created.

And everything was going great. And she thought she had done it. She thought she had finally created something you liked. She thought someone finally liked her for who she was...And then you left. You just stopped. Abra Cadabra disappeared. And after that night, it was like, suddenly the real world was here, and she didn't belong in yours. You shut her out. You changed. You became the one who was different. You became yourself. And she wasn't prepared for that.

You were gone. The you that she loved, dead and gone as the seasons had changed. The you that had just disappeared like a mystery to never be solved. She couldn't find you. And that's when she realized that no one ever stays, that's when she changed. And she needed you. She needed the old you. She needed the you that she could depend on. She needed the you that she knew would have stayed because "I promise to always be there when you need me." Because it was like you just disappeared when she needed you the most. You weren't there that summer when everything went wrong. You weren't there that night in December when she had lost two of her best friends, people she believed cared about her as much as she did them, at once. She would have dropped everything in a heartbeat if you needed her to. She lost so many people for you. She lost so many nights of sleep for you. She lost so much for you. She experienced so much heartache for you. She went through hell for you...but she could never leave you like you did her. She could never do that to you. She wouldn't have wanted to. That friendship meant everything to her...And I feel sorry for you...not only did you lost that girl...You killed her. Murdered her in cold blood and told her that it was only a little scratch.

Because she tried changing into this girl who could meet your standards. A girl who you would like...But she ended up losing who she really was. She got lost and there was no one trying to find her. She had lost her friends because of you. She had lost her best friends, the closest thing she had, next to family. You weren't there. You were off on a trip to your own safe haven where she wasn't allowed. No one was there for her. She was alone. She had to pick herself back up.

She had to examine and fix her own broken bones. She had to build herself back up like you would a renovated building, more sturdy, less likely to crash in. She had to dust her own self off...And she had to fix all that was left in the path of destruction from you. She ended up finding herself among the chaos. A shiny metal in a debris pile. Like a phoenix rebirth, she came back, more powerful than anything trying to defy her. She taught herself how to trust, and how to love. She taught herself to believe in the world again. She taught herself how to love something so broken and fragile that if you even breathed its name, it would shatter like glass. She learned real friendship. Real love.

She became herself. Amidst all the chaos and destruction she had found what she was looking for all along. She found the soul of a fighter. And she took it in. She watered. She gave it a home. She taught it. She grew it. She embraced it.

And she became her own hero. She became her own saviour of her own world. She became the superhero that every kid admires. She became the dragon-slaying knight in her fairytales. But most importantly, she became a person that she was proud to be.

In society, we are told to change so people will like us. We are told to cover up who we really are because "people will judge the real you." And they're right. People will judge and belittle you. People will label you because they believe that in the vast numbers of the human population, every single person will fit into the exact same category as everyone else. But you're the only person who gets to label yourself. You're the only person who decides how you deal with that. You are the only person who gets to decide how you live your life. You are the only person who can judge your life decisions. You are the only person who can change who you are. Not some boy or some girl. Not your dad or your mom. Only you. You are your own happy ending. You are your own hero. You are your own label. You are your own person.

Society might control you how people view you...

But darling, it does not control you.

(this is an essay i had to write...i based it off of the last chapter...some things are clearly different)

28 November 2017

//no songs listened to writing this chapter//

//extra continuation of 6th chapter completed- November 28, 2017//